There has been lots of talk on social media about purity, and I have kind of felt as though those who have chosen to obey God in this area and remain a virgin until they are married have been put in a bad light. These are some of my thoughts on the matter, because, well, I am a virgin. Below I have listed four things that are NOT the reason I am waiting to have sex until I am married. Ready?
1. Because sexual purity is my idol.
Is sexual purity my idol? Um no. I do not think about my sexual purity even daily. I don’t love my sexual purity more than I love Jesus Christ. I don’t think being pure until marriage will take me to heaven. Do I talk about it? Sure! I want people to make the same decision I am making! How often does the world talk about sex of all kinds? Daily. Every second of every hour of every day. Do Christians need to talk about sexual purity? Yes! Even MUCH more than we do. We need to get loud about the fact that we are remaining pure, and that doesn’t make us freaks. Because the world sure is loud about the very opposite. Just because I am pure and I talk about it doesn’t make it my idol or my identity. If it were either one of those things, I would worry about how I would feel after I were married and no longer “sexually pure.” True and right purity lasts long after your wedding night.
Is it possible for sexual purity to be an idol? I guess so…. If your mind is consumed with the topic and you find your value in your purity instead of Jesus Christ alone, but I do not personally believe that the majority of Christians are worshiping their own virginity.
2. Because I’m better than you.
Inevitably, whenever I mention my decision to remain a virgin until marriage, I get backlash from people who didn’t wait, saying, “Well, God forgives! What about us? You’re judging us.” To people who have or would respond like that, I say that I’m sorry that my decision has affected your life and your relationship with God. Because the bottom line is, your decisions to wait or not has absolutely nothing to do with me or my decisions. You didn’t wait? That’s yours to own. You waited or are waiting? That’s also yours. What I do with my body is my decision, and also God’s. Do I want other people to wait? Of course I do! Just like I want people to not lie, or steal, or murder people. I want people to do the right thing. Ultimately though, I am a sinner saved by grace. I have my own sins that are covered with the blood of Christ and am no better than the girl or guy next to me with their sins covered with the blood of Christ.
3. Because I think sex is bad.
Sex is a covenant between a husband and wife. It’s a beautiful and wonderful way by which God makes two people one, and creates new life! It is specifically for married people, of which I am not one. Therefore, it is not for me yet. Do I have normal natural desires? Yes, of course. I can’t have everything I want when I want it. That’s part of following Jesus Christ. You are going against the world and your own flesh, and yielding your desires to God, saying no to your flesh and yes to God’s plan.
4. Because I’m confused about sex.
When I have told people that I have chosen to remain a virgin til marriage, I often get the reply, “Well your first time is gonna be awful.” Um…okay. I understand that your “first time” might not be all that great or even comfortable. I don’t need to be enlightened or have my “hopes and dreams” of fantastic wedding night sex dashed by someone who obviously “knows way more about the matter” because they didn’t choose to wait. The first time I rode a bike or played a sport, I wasn’t all that great at it either. Practice makes perfect…… I’m willing to bet on that.
These things are not the reasons I am waiting to have sex until I am married. They aren’t even the point! My decision to wait has to do with ONE thing and one thing only,
BECAUSE GOD SAID SO.
I’m saved by God’s grace. I have placed my entire trust in the fact that God’s blood is enough to wash me of my sins, and if I accept his salvation, and choose to follow Him, I will one day live forever with Him. If I have entrusted him with my eternal destiny, then I can trust him with my life here on earth. I can trust that everything He has said with regard to my body, and sex, is true and right and perfect. He made me and He knows what is best, and I will trust Him. Nevermind the science– the emotional, and psychological, and physical consequences of engaging in premarital sex, God said not to and that is all that I need.
You know what I would love to see? Not virgins vs. ex-virgins. I want to see everyone encouraging others to obey God in this area of keeping sex inside marriage, virgin or not.
Here is some good news. Remember the woman taken in adultery? The pharisees brought her to Jesus and threw her at his feet asking what He would have them do if not stone her. Let’s read it:
But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. John 8:6-11
He didn’t say, “Now you’re ruined for life.” He didn’t say, “Don’t ever step foot inside the temple again.” He didn’t say, “Now, no one will ever love you.” He didn’t say any of those things. He said, “Go and sin no more.”
If you are a virgin, good for you. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it. Wait until marriage and you WILL be blessed for it. Period. Encourage others to wait with you. If you are not a virgin, go and sin no more. That’s all. From this day forward, you can choose not to sin any longer. You can wait for marriage. Encourage others to wait with you. We can ALL choose to keep sex inside of marriage. We can ALL do it because God said so. It your decision and it’s mine.
I’m waiting, will you wait with me?