There has been lots of talk on social media about purity, and I have kind of felt as though those who have chosen to obey God in this area and remain a virgin until they are married have been put in a bad light. These are some of my thoughts on the matter, because, well, I am a virgin. Below I have listed four things that are NOT the reason I am waiting to have sex until I am married. Ready?
1. Because sexual purity is my idol.
Is sexual purity my idol? Um no. I do not think about my sexual purity even daily. I don’t love my sexual purity more than I love Jesus Christ. I don’t think being pure until marriage will take me to heaven. Do I talk about it? Sure! I want people to make the same decision I am making! How often does the world talk about sex of all kinds? Daily. Every second of every hour of every day. Do Christians need to talk about sexual purity? Yes! Even MUCH more than we do. We need to get loud about the fact that we are remaining pure, and that doesn’t make us freaks. Because the world sure is loud about the very opposite. Just because I am pure and I talk about it doesn’t make it my idol or my identity. If it were either one of those things, I would worry about how I would feel after I were married and no longer “sexually pure.” True and right purity lasts long after your wedding night.
Is it possible for sexual purity to be an idol? I guess so…. If your mind is consumed with the topic and you find your value in your purity instead of Jesus Christ alone, but I do not personally believe that the majority of Christians are worshiping their own virginity.
2. Because I’m better than you.
Inevitably, whenever I mention my decision to remain a virgin until marriage, I get backlash from people who didn’t wait, saying, “Well, God forgives! What about us? You’re judging us.” To people who have or would respond like that, I say that I’m sorry that my decision has affected your life and your relationship with God. Because the bottom line is, your decisions to wait or not has absolutely nothing to do with me or my decisions. You didn’t wait? That’s yours to own. You waited or are waiting? That’s also yours. What I do with my body is my decision, and also God’s. Do I want other people to wait? Of course I do! Just like I want people to not lie, or steal, or murder people. I want people to do the right thing. Ultimately though, I am a sinner saved by grace. I have my own sins that are covered with the blood of Christ and am no better than the girl or guy next to me with their sins covered with the blood of Christ.
3. Because I think sex is bad.
Sex is a covenant between a husband and wife. It’s a beautiful and wonderful way by which God makes two people one, and creates new life! It is specifically for married people, of which I am not one. Therefore, it is not for me yet. Do I have normal natural desires? Yes, of course. I can’t have everything I want when I want it. That’s part of following Jesus Christ. You are going against the world and your own flesh, and yielding your desires to God, saying no to your flesh and yes to God’s plan.
4. Because I’m confused about sex.
When I have told people that I have chosen to remain a virgin til marriage, I often get the reply, “Well your first time is gonna be awful.” Um…okay. I understand that your “first time” might not be all that great or even comfortable. I don’t need to be enlightened or have my “hopes and dreams” of fantastic wedding night sex dashed by someone who obviously “knows way more about the matter” because they didn’t choose to wait. The first time I rode a bike or played a sport, I wasn’t all that great at it either. Practice makes perfect…… I’m willing to bet on that.
These things are not the reasons I am waiting to have sex until I am married. They aren’t even the point! My decision to wait has to do with ONE thing and one thing only,
BECAUSE GOD SAID SO.
I’m saved by God’s grace. I have placed my entire trust in the fact that God’s blood is enough to wash me of my sins, and if I accept his salvation, and choose to follow Him, I will one day live forever with Him. If I have entrusted him with my eternal destiny, then I can trust him with my life here on earth. I can trust that everything He has said with regard to my body, and sex, is true and right and perfect. He made me and He knows what is best, and I will trust Him. Nevermind the science– the emotional, and psychological, and physical consequences of engaging in premarital sex, God said not to and that is all that I need.
You know what I would love to see? Not virgins vs. ex-virgins. I want to see everyone encouraging others to obey God in this area of keeping sex inside marriage, virgin or not.
Here is some good news. Remember the woman taken in adultery? The pharisees brought her to Jesus and threw her at his feet asking what He would have them do if not stone her. Let’s read it:
But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more. John 8:6-11
He didn’t say, “Now you’re ruined for life.” He didn’t say, “Don’t ever step foot inside the temple again.” He didn’t say, “Now, no one will ever love you.” He didn’t say any of those things. He said, “Go and sin no more.”
If you are a virgin, good for you. Don’t let anyone talk you out of it. Wait until marriage and you WILL be blessed for it. Period. Encourage others to wait with you. If you are not a virgin, go and sin no more. That’s all. From this day forward, you can choose not to sin any longer. You can wait for marriage. Encourage others to wait with you. We can ALL choose to keep sex inside of marriage. We can ALL do it because God said so. It your decision and it’s mine.
I’m waiting, will you wait with me?
Wow. I never thought sexual purity could become an idol. Thanks for this eye opener.
As always…on point!
I pray that God continues to bless your boldness.
Lovely. Needed this. Sometimes or rather most times i seem to be overwhelmed by the flesh but by His grace I bear in mind the awesome feeling of obeying Him especially in this subject matter and making Him glad that I do obey Him.
Keep doing what youre doing. Its refreshing and I witness this all the way from Nigeria in Africa 🙂
Thank you so much for this. It’s so simple to just wait to have sex, but the world makes it seem like it’s so important to have sex. I should know how unimportant it is. I’ve been a virgin for 18 years!
Thanks for writing this. If there’s one thing that irks me it’s when some one assumes that I’m judging them for their decisions when I just so happen to say that I’m waiting for marriage or even when I don’t say anything. It’s sooo simple.
God bless you!
I will wait! I lost my virginity at a young age because I was lost, BUT, because of Jesus, I am found! He restored me and my bf and I of two yrs have been waiting!! 😀
I’m a born-again virgin! Thank you for this, you were right on!!
Before I would feel the guilt and shame, but Jesus’s life and death for makes me feel reborn and alive for dying all of my past sexual sins. I’m not waiting because I want to have sex the right way so I can enjoy it, I’m waiting because just like you said: “Because He said so!” And it’s what He has for me, and what’s best 🙂
Thank you Lauren!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love this! You took the words right out of my mouth/heart, I’m with you! I love the part when you talked about remaining pure even after marriage, thats great, our hearts need to always be pure!
“saying no to your flesh and yes to God’s plan.” Love this!
thanks again for another beautiful blog laced with truth!
so inspiring to hear your messages to wait…well it has gotten through to a virgin like me. Yes I will wait too because God wants me too! who’s with me?
oh and this is all the way from Fiji! 🙂
I just want to remind those survivors of rape/molestation, dont you dare believe Satans lies! You are a virgin too! You are pure also! You have been washed away clean by the blood of The Lamb. Wait because your worth waiting for!! Know that you are beautiful & precious in God’s eyes.
Thanks for this comment this is something not often said but is very important and necessary for victims to hear
Yes, I will wait.
Love this! I too am a virgin and I run into the same comments and responses. You are not alone in this at all! Great stuff, stay encouraged!
Yes, I’m waiting too! And it’s worth it because somewhere there is a young man who’s waiting as well, and in God’s time He’ll bring us together.
I’m a virgin myself and there so many people out there that will bash us for that. I really think #2 is spot on. Most people think we are being “a goody two shoes” when we say we are virgins.
I had this happen to me a few weeks ago when someone asked me what my purity ring was. They were shocked. Her response to me was “And your how old? You need to get away from before that rubs off on me!” Basically she couldn’t live without sex! I couldn’t believe it.
I applaud you so much for writing this… because I never realized that sexual purity could become an idol either, until it happened to me. And the scary thing about that is that even if we are doing something with good intentions, if it remains a priority before God, we absolutely DO fall. Thank you for opening the eyes of other precious young women who look up to you!
So refreshing. I read an article the other day (by a Christian) on the same subject, and was just so put off. I actually felt very sorry for the author. She seemed to regret her decision to wait and blamed the Church and everyone else but herself for bad sexual experiences after marriage. I agree with you wholeheartedly that God had our best in mind when he told us to wait. If we believe in that and trust in Him, I have no reason to believe that our sex lives will be awful. Complicated, maybe. Messy, of course. But not terrible beyond repair. God always restores.
I read that article it was very sad I so felt bad for her…but I don’t know if it’s completely the church’s fault she seemed to be the person who held purity higher than god
Thank you – this is so true! We can trust that God knows what’s best. His plans are good and perfect. God bless!✨
As a virgin in her 30’s I am very encouraged by your writing that there is still a remnant of true Christians out there who share my thought process and understanding of salvation and purity. May God continue to strengthen you and all who love Him and follow His Word. May He also cause those who are lost to find him
I think your message and website is wonderful. I honestly hope that more people continue to read your website and continue to be the light that Jesus wants us to be! I am from a Christian family, and my mother has told me about sex when I was only 6 years old. Even though my mother has told me about the effects of having sex before marriage, sometimes in a world like this we forget what right’s according to God’s eyes instead. I want to say your message is encouraging because everyday it’s war with the flesh and spirit. I ask that you keep writing, you are truly making a difference, by being a positive role model. Thank you for message and God Bless! 🙂
My husband and I were not virgins when we married, we were teen parents and unsaved. 14 years later we are still going stronger than ever with Jesus at the center of our relationship. I will be the first to share openly with young women to wait, wait and do what God asks. He only says it for our protection in love. I will never be able to give my husband that very special gift, and for that I am sad. God has redeemed us, and made our marriage bed beautiful, but it took many difficult years and healing. I believe today we are more pure than we have ever been. So the idea that you “loose your purity” after sex in marriage makes me very sad. Maybe the way it is worded doesn’t sit well with me. You do not loose your purity and become defiled after you make love with your husband for the first time. It’s a silly concept. Thank you for clarifying that here. Love your blog.