Guys, 5 Reasons Why it Might Actually be YOUR Fault

Ok, last week I wrote a post entitled 5 Reasons Why it Might Actually be Your Fault to help some good girls understand some ways they might be going wrong when it comes to snagging a guy. This week, it’s the guys turn!

I have heard all the excuses, “All girls like jerks,” “They are too picky,” “They put me in the friend zone,” and on and on. Well, maybe it’s just you, and here are some reasons why.

1. You are passive.

You simply will not just put yourself out there. I know of/have seen some men in my lifetime that I have thought I could see myself dating, but they have never said anything about it so I figure they are not that into me…. or they simply will not put their egos at risk. It’s the classic “Here’s my number. Text me sometime.” trick. No. If you really want to talk to me, ask me for my number. Give me an option. Make ME feel special. I’m not the lucky one just because you handed me your number. But do you see where that puts you? In a position where you can’t really be rejected. Chances are, if she wants to talk to you, she will text you her number. However, if she has a little self-respect and she is worth a little more effort, she won’t. Because its a lame cop-out.

Stop asking girls to “hang out,” and ask them to dinner. Stop asking them what they want to do, and actually PLAN a date. Stop texting her all the time, and actually have an unscripted conversation with her. Yeah, CALL her. If you want to be her friend forever, then be passive. If you want to see if she could actually be interested in dating you, start treating her like a prize. Start winning her.

2. You can’t pick ONE.

I hear a lot of guys complaining that they are single, and that they “just haven’t found a girl yet” all the time, and yet I see these same guys chatting it up with every pretty girl on their twitter timeline. Compliment after compliment, talking about what they would do “if I had a girlfriend” or worse, using Jesus to get a bit of attention from them, it seems all they talk to is women! How is it that you can’t find a girl to date? Step off social media where you’ve made yourself a “hero,” and find ONE girl with a heart worth winning in real life. No girl wants to do competition for your heart. You are not the Bachelor. There are lots of good girls with hearts worth winning. Man up and focus your energies into impressing ONE. There is a word for men who can’t pick just one. It rhymes with “Player.” Oh, wait, no that’s it. That’s the word. You’re a player.

3. You stereotype women.

Yes I know girls do this, but you do too. “All girls are the same. They are only attracted to losers and jerks and idiots.” To those who constantly think or say this, I have this to say, ALL girls aren’t only attracted to “losers or jerks or idiots.” If you claim that to be true from your limited experience, then you are either severely narrowing your options down to that one girl you so desperately want….or maybe something is wrong with the type of girls YOU choose.

There is no doubt in my mind that even you have “friend zoned” a girl or two in your life that you could be dating, but you choose to be upset and angry with the girls who choose the idiots over you. The truth is smart girls know what they deserve and know a good thing when they see it. I know you’re probably thinking, “No, the girl I like is much smarter than that..” But if she actually did choose this jerk/idiot/loser over you, then she’s not right? …. so who is attracted to idiots after all?

4. You’re a jerk.

You have little sisters? Women you care about? Good. Treat a girl you want to date the way you want those you love to be treated. Respect her. Call her back. Say thank you. Ask her questions. Don’t just talk about yourself. Don’t be cheap. Be on time. Be considerate. Put your phone away when you are with her. {or better yet, turn it off!} And for pete’s sake, if you don’t want to date her, have enough respect for her to tell her and not string her along in order to not “hurt her feelings” or simply because you need an ego boost. No self-respecting quality woman wants to date someone who treats them badly. Period.

5. You’re trying too hard.

A good girl knows you are not perfect. She doesn’t expect you to be. I understand you like her, and want to put your best foot forward, but just be the best version of YOU. Be yourself. When we are getting to know you we want to get to know YOU, not the person you think we want you to be. It’s okay if we don’t agree on music choices, or a favorite movie, or condiments on a hot dog. It’s really okay if we don’t find something spiritual to say about everything we talk about. This hot dog reminds me of how the Holy Spirit envelopes us in his everlasting bun of love. Stop that. It’s weird. Let us have our opinion. Have your own opinion. Be able to push back just a little. You have a personality too, don’t be afraid to show it off! Please.

Look, I don’t know you. I’ve never been on a date with you. You might not do any of these things… or you might do all of them, but if you don’t want to just date anymore, if you want to find a lasting relationship { i.e. a wifey}, then you are going to have to change your strategies. You’re a quality man with something to offer. Start taking heed to my helpful observations, and find yourself a quality woman.

Read the post for girls!! –> “Girls, 5 reasons why it might actually be your fault.”




  1. It’s like a slap in the face, but in a good way. Thank you! It was an encouraging read. This post identifies some of the behaviours we sometimes have. Something that spoke to me specifically was “….or maybe something is wrong with the type of girls YOU choose.”.


  2. I think the primary reason many girls “go for” jerks and bad boys, is because they’re the only ones daring enough to actually pursue girls. All the good guys are too hesitant to put themselves out there and actively express interest in a girl, so girls assume they’re not interested. And for the most part, these guys would NOT like a girl to pursue them, or ask THEM out, that would be too forward. Logical result? The “jerks and bad boys” are forward like, “hey baby, you’re looking GOOOD!” and girls think “SOMEONE LIKES ME!” Sure they would rather the attention from a good guy, but all the good guys have made it clear (by their behavior) that they view this girl as unattractive.
    Just my opinion.


  3. Thank you for that. I’m one of those guys who figured no girl is interested and the ones who are aren’t my type. Never considered this though. Loved it!


  4. This is an interesting read for sure. The point about trying too hard is interesting, because honestly the only times I’ve had a certain female interested in me was when I utterly didn’t care about having someone. The first one also caught my attention because I’ve heard the whole “get to know someone before asking them out” line from youth pastors, parents, etc. and the common rationale is not putting pressure on her or the situation, or that they won’t like it unless you get to know them, well how am I supposed to get to know them? Isn’t that point of dating?
    I also think most girls are afraid of guys. Seen too many movies, news stories involving sexual assault, etc. Even church girls. Even when I take initiative, they just seem not to care or give the same BS reasons. It’s a catch-22, you can’t ask them out unless you know them but you can’t know them if you don’t ask them out.
    As much as I want to not care, as someone in their young 20s it’s hard not to.


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