Oh the “friend zone.” One of my biggest pet peeves. This mystical valley that has been plaguing the Internet for far too long. The “friend zone” is the place where boys go to feel sorry for themselves, stroke their bruised egos, and make every girl who rejects them into an evil spawn of satan.
Not very attractive if you ask me.
Here are some of my thoughts on this immature, selfish, ungodly mindset. Hear me out, please. I beg of you.
First of all, if there actually is a “friend zone” at all, it is something nice, decent, and caring that women do in order to be considerate of their male friends’ feelings. It is really her way of showing that she really does care about you, appreciates and respects you as a person, and values your friendship. Look, I understand that you are fantastic and clearly should be on the “world’s most eligible bachelors” list, but the fact is that not everyone is going to fall in love with you like I have. You can’t always have what you want. That goes for girls and guys. Just because someone rejects you, does not only mean that you are not unloveable, but it also means that THEY are not evil, an idiot, or oblivious to how you feel. They simply aren’t attracted to you. [For whatever reason that may be.]
See, you, as a guy, get to pick and choose who it is you want to pursue. Girls, if they are doing it right and not chasing the men all over creation, don’t have that option. Therefore, they are going to be the ones who do more of the rejecting. [Doesn’t mean we don’t get rejected too and need this advice as well.] She could be a horribly mean person about it or not care at all and blow you off completely or throw your heart back in your face and stomp on it when it hits the ground, but if you have retreated to your “friend zone,” I’m guessing she didn’t do this. If she did, she’s a meanie…. Move on.
Secondly, ALL girls don’t put good guys in the “friend zone.” ALL girls aren’t only attracted to “losers or jerks or idiots.” If you claim that to be true from your limited experience, then you are either severely narrowing your options down to that one girl you so desperately want….or maybe something is wrong with the type of girls YOU choose.
There is no doubt in my mind that even you have “friend zoned” a girl or two in your life that you could be dating, but you choose to be upset and angry with the girls who choose the idiots over you. The truth is smart girls know what they deserve and know a good thing when they see it. Don’t you want someone who knows what’s good for them? I know you’re probably thinking, “No, the girl I like is much smarter than that..” But if she actually did choose this jerk/idiot/loser over you, then she’s not right? She’s not smart. She’s not worth it.
Lastly, remember this. The “friend zone” is the horrible magical place that only YOU can put yourself in. You have built it with your own hands. Once rejected, you have 2 options. Option #1: You can either retreat to the “friend zone” licking your wounds and walking around with a scowl on your face for the rest of your life telling people how you’ve been wronged desperately clinging to hope or trying to convince/guilt/manipulate someone into dating you. OR. Option #2: you can appreciate and value your friendship with this other person even if you are not going to “get” anything from them except for that, TRUST GOD, and move on with your life. Being stuck in the “friend zone” really is your choice.
You say all these girls are missing out on great guys because they are sticking them in the “friend zone,” but I think the question is, “Which great girls are YOU missing out on because you have chosen to stay stuck in this “friend zone” over this one girl?”
I constantly tell girls to stop pining over these guys who don’t see their worth in Christ. For whatever reason, you’ve been rejected. It happens to everyone. That’s life. However, your beautiful, wonderful proverbs 31 woman is not going to come down into your depressing, self-indulgent shack in the “friend zone” to find you. She will, however, be attracted to a man of God who trusts in Him no matter the circumstances because he knows he is doing right and God has a plan.
Guys, you are loveable, you are enough, you are courageous, you are amazing! Tear down this facade. Be brave. Be strong. Be the man of God we know you can be. Don’t give up… Because there are godly girls waiting for you to come find them. Stop burying yourself in the “friend zone” and go find a girl who will make you her hero. Go!