Single girls, give up on butterflies

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I recently received an email from a girl who was on the fence about her boyfriend. Now normally, after reading that, I read that “he is a great Christian guy, but…” he’s doing something pretty terrible like watching porn or pressuring her to have sex or is just plain mean to the girl. But this time, she said that there was nothing really wrong with him- he loved God and loved her and treated her right- She just didn’t feel “butterflies” when she was with him.

Immediately, I thought, “what?? if it ain’t broke…”

This got me thinking about how we perceive relationships while we are young-myself included! We get so caught up in books and movies and romance that we don’t realize what real love is. When you first start dating someone, it very well may feel like the moves portray it! You DO get butterflies when you see him. You DO want to impress him every chance you get and vice versa. You DO want to be with him ALL the time. And we get tricked into thinking, “ahh, this is real love.”

This is where I burst your bubble.

That’s not real life! Yes, you may love that person, and you may marry and spend the rest of your life with them, but that mushy gooshy feeling that we so often mistake for “real love” is not going to last. These feelings are fickle things.

As girls we get so caught up in feelings and feeling like we should feel a certain way…. And that’s just not always the case. Of course you should love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but let me tell you not every day will be romance and butterflies. And chances are, if you’ve been together for a while, you know what I mean. Listen, I haven’t even known my husband for 2 years and if I decided to leave when I didn’t “feel” like loving him in a mushy gooshy way when I woke up…. Then I’d prob be gone already.

What we are looking for is not romance. It’s not butterflies. It’s commitment. It’s real life. It’s every day wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, and watch tv kind of love. It’s a whole life of doing things together that don’t always make your heart race. Because in the long run your love is not going to sustain the commitment. Commitment will sustain your love.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you will get butterflies. Sometimes your heart will race. Sometimes you won’t believe how lucky you are. Sometimes you’re going to feel so much love and admiration and respect for that man, and then sometimes you’re going to want to punch him in the throat.

Girls, I beg of you find the nice guy. The boring one even. Find the guy who is simple- who loves God and loves you and treats you right. And then appreciate him and hold on to him with all your heart because he’s not easy to find these days. Stick with him. Don’t go looking for something else, and I promise you that even in the moments when you want to punch him in the throat, you’ll have a wonderful life together.

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11 comments

  1. Love this! The majority of it made me laugh…. punching him in the throat sounds so realistic. Love reading your blogs. Excited for what God has in store. Thanks for sharing!

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  2. Thank you Lauren for having a heart that is set upon the foundation of Gods truth. You are an inspiration to the young generation. Keep touching lives with the wisdom you have been given.

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  3. Been married for 35 years and Lauren is wise beyond her young age. She is absolutely right. She is a Christian “Dear Abby”, and I enjoy reading her blogs.

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  4. So glad someone finally said it.
    I have been with my boyfriend for two years and I love him to death. We discuss engagement and marriage frequently and are very serious about each other.
    That being said, yes some days I do feel like ‘punching him in the throat’ as you say. It’s normal to fight and fuss and have disagreements and not feel super romantic. It’s those fights and commitments even in less than gushy times that strengthen the relationship and show the bond Jesus blesses us with our significant other. Those times make the gushy times even sweeter!

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  5. Preach it girl! I will be saving all of these posts for when I meet the one God wants me to marry. You are such a light in a confused and fallen world. God bless you and your husband ❤

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  6. Thank you for upholding ‘commitment’.
    My wife and I were together for eight years before we were married. I think the past two years of marriage has topped the eight years and seems more beautiful than ever. Of course, in the eight years of our relationship one may have not really seen the butterflies fluttering by but we chose to hold on believing that God gave us each other. It was a Romans 5:5 based prayer that we prayed for each other, that the Lord will fill our hearts with love by the Holy Spirit, everyday. It is the Holy Spirit that refreshes our heart even when.commitment seems to wear out. That understanding activates so many more resources within the relationship that previously seemed hidden. Another aspect about relationship is that both must learn to accept routine – routine is absolutely ok! In a hyper-entertainment driven culture, every moment is pressurised to be stimulating and exciting. I don’t think that’s God’s plan. Routine is part of life. It forms us and takes us to places where we are meant to be, just as the Israelites had to traverse 40 years through the desert to reach the promise land.

    Thank you, for your thought sparking writing of important issues. Glad to know that such voices continue to exist. Keep the flame burning.

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