I recently received an email from a girl who was on the fence about her boyfriend. Now normally, after reading that, I read that “he is a great Christian guy, but…” he’s doing something pretty terrible like watching porn or pressuring her to have sex or is just plain mean to the girl. But this time, she said that there was nothing really wrong with him- he loved God and loved her and treated her right- She just didn’t feel “butterflies” when she was with him.
Immediately, I thought, “what?? if it ain’t broke…”
This got me thinking about how we perceive relationships while we are young-myself included! We get so caught up in books and movies and romance that we don’t realize what real love is. When you first start dating someone, it very well may feel like the moves portray it! You DO get butterflies when you see him. You DO want to impress him every chance you get and vice versa. You DO want to be with him ALL the time. And we get tricked into thinking, “ahh, this is real love.”
This is where I burst your bubble.
That’s not real life! Yes, you may love that person, and you may marry and spend the rest of your life with them, but that mushy gooshy feeling that we so often mistake for “real love” is not going to last. These feelings are fickle things.
As girls we get so caught up in feelings and feeling like we should feel a certain way…. And that’s just not always the case. Of course you should love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but let me tell you not every day will be romance and butterflies. And chances are, if you’ve been together for a while, you know what I mean. Listen, I haven’t even known my husband for 2 years and if I decided to leave when I didn’t “feel” like loving him in a mushy gooshy way when I woke up…. Then I’d prob be gone already.
What we are looking for is not romance. It’s not butterflies. It’s commitment. It’s real life. It’s every day wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, and watch tv kind of love. It’s a whole life of doing things together that don’t always make your heart race. Because in the long run your love is not going to sustain the commitment. Commitment will sustain your love.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you will get butterflies. Sometimes your heart will race. Sometimes you won’t believe how lucky you are. Sometimes you’re going to feel so much love and admiration and respect for that man, and then sometimes you’re going to want to punch him in the throat.
Girls, I beg of you find the nice guy. The boring one even. Find the guy who is simple- who loves God and loves you and treats you right. And then appreciate him and hold on to him with all your heart because he’s not easy to find these days. Stick with him. Don’t go looking for something else, and I promise you that even in the moments when you want to punch him in the throat, you’ll have a wonderful life together.