So you think you're ready for a long distance relationship?

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I have gotten several emails from girls asking about long distance relationships so I wanted to take some time to talk about them here. As most of you know, I have been in a long distance relationship with my soon to be husband for the past year and a half, but what you don’t know is I have been in several long distance relationships.

I’ve heard all the hype and read all the articles (mostly secular) that say DO NOT date someone long distance because it never works out. After all we are just basically animals that have instincts that we need to act on so out of sight out of mind, right? Well, I refused to believe it, and I now am sitting with a ring on my finger in the house my future husband and I will live in after we are married in 50 days.

Here are a few reasons why:

I’m just going to be practical here. Maybe you go to a big church, maybe you go to a small church, maybe you grew up in your church your whole life like I did, regardless, it’s probably the only place you would seriously look for a potential mate. You’re a Christian, not just a “Christian.” You have standards by which you view the opposite sex. Like me, there may be approximately 0 singles your age who meet those standards. So what are you going to do? Dress up every Sunday just hoping and praying the person of your dreams comes walking through the church doors? I guess it could happen, but the chances are slim, people.

You may just have to open your dating horizons up beyond your immediate circle of friends to find a potential mate. That may mean trying things outside your comfort zone: going to activities at other churches as long as they don’t conflict with your own church services, internet dating (hey, don’t knock it. I know several wonderful married couples who met on Christian dating sites), or taking that lady in your church on her word that she knows a great guy or girl at her sister’s cousin’s church out in Indiana or California or Louisiana that you would be just perfect for. You can take that chance…….. or you can continue hoping that your dreams will come true with no actual risk or effort on your part. It’s up to you.

Secondly, the pros outweigh the cons (and I’m being honest here because I have done it, successfully). Let’s see, the cons are not being able to see your significant other for lengthy periods of time. Whether they are 3 hours away or 15 hours away, both are hard. When you love someone, you want to spend all your time with them. You want to see them every day, and when you can’t, well, it’s tough. There were many times when I felt like I was dating my phone because that was the only way I could communicate with my boyfriend. My loving, wonderful, adorable, faithful, caring, supportive, always there for me, best friend boyfriend. I’m not going to tell you that I didn’t wish he was there with me all the time. I’m not going to say I didn’t count down the days til I could see him again in real life. However, as hard as it was, it made our time together that much more special. Every time I saw him, it was exciting. Every time I saw him, it felt like the first time all over again. We had gotten to know each other so well in talking, and talking, and talking, and more talking, and did I mention talking…..and still being in his presence gave me butterflies.

Don’t get me wrong. While there are so many things you can learn about a person by talking to them on the phone, there are things you can’t. You can’t watch them interact with other people, have conversations with strangers and talk about their faith naturally because it’s real. You can’t see them tip the server more than enough because they can see they were having a bad day. You can’t see them run over to help their mother carry something or help their father figure something out on the computer. You can’t see them blush and laugh when an old friend tells an embarrassing story about them. I’m not making light of these things because they are all important things about a person- little hints that you will miss on the day to day; but if you are smart and pay attention, you will know what kind of person they are, and eventually you will be able to see all those things in action.

The pros? Oh ya, you get to date that kind of person, and the hope, if not promise, that one day, you will be able to be together forever even if it’s not today or tomorrow or even the next. There is a quote, and I don’t know who it’s by, but it explains it perfectly.

“Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…”

Not nearly enough. Maybe this year you won’t get to spend Valentine’s Day together, or your birthdays, or maybe even Christmas, but for the bold, and the smart who know when it’s right and know a good thing when they see it, long distance is worth it. It’s not too hard or too far. I’ll tell you that it wasn’t for me. It was just…. right. My “one day” has come, and all the hard times of being apart, well, I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

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7 comments

  1. I’m in a long distance relationship right now and have been for almost a year. This blog is amazing! It really helps because it is hard.
    Just want to thank you for the encouragement!!

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  2. I cannot tell you how much this has touched my heart & given me hope.. I am currently in a long distance relationship, and it is my first relationship .. My parents disagree with the idea.. but I feel like God is leading me to this man, we are both taking it slow of course and we pray every single day that God would lead this relationship.. My mom and dad always have random speeches with me, telling me its weird, its wrong, what if he’s looking at other women, what if he’s doing this.. that.. etc..I am 23 now… I know that I can for one, make my own decisions.. but I would NEVER make a decision with out God’s guidance & direction.. Also, I have spoken to him, almost every day.. and it is now reaching to a year.. we have gotten to know each other, our weaknesses .. our strengths.. He is extremely honest with me and I am honest with him.. I know what struggles he deals with .. and he knows mine.. We’re both not treating this with “unrealistic” view points, as my parents both think we are doing.. He is currently in college and wants to eventually get a stable job where he can afford a house.. We have not met in person due to financial reasons.. but we are planning to meet at some point here so we can get to know each other even more so… but because my family is extremely against this, it has been hard, they have tried to be understanding.. but they just don’t understand the internet dating thing… The thing is, this isn’t something I was randomly pursuing, it is not something I was planning to do… I naturally was talking to him for a little bit, through just a website called, “Twitch”. Then we got on Skype.. and slowly began talking on Skype calls and eventually used our webcams so we knew who we were talking to.. and we both fell in love.. naturally & slowly.. I have told my parents this before, I have told them I am not thinking about this unrealistically.. I live in Arizona and he lives in Ohio..is this difficult? Yes.. extremely.. like you said in your blog, I want to see him.. I want to be with him.. when he goes to the movies with his friends.. I wish I was there … but I can’t… but if God is in this… then I wont walk away from that.. He is a Godly man, who tries his best to follow Jesus… He is the most honest person I have met.. He tells me what he deals with.. but I still love him, because he wants to be a better person in the Lord.. He has become by best friend.. we can joke and tease each other with out being hurt, or sensitive.. and to be honest, that is something my own parents can’t even do with each other without someone getting angry.. I pray someday, that they would trust my decision and be more understanding.. I might even share this blog to them eventually, if they are ever willing to read it.. I don’t know if it will change their perspective.. but I really hope it sparks something good in their minds.. and gives them more comfort in their hearts about my decision.. thank you for this blog.. thank you so much.. God Bless

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    • Hi! That’s great! I’m so happy for you!! I’m also in a similar situation. We didn’t start out dating, but just casually chatting on Twitter. Then we got to know each other more and more and that is how it started. I totally understand about your parents, mine are the same. I don’t know why people feel the need to stigmatise Internet dating! In any case, stay strong in the Lord and keep loving each other! God bless! 🙂

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  3. oh my gosh!! i really needed to read this!! it looks like i may be entering a different season of life this year (we’ll see how god works it out) … and he’s four hours away from us. i have heard “DON’T GET INVOLVED IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP!!” but i have also heard “being in a long distance relationship helps the couple focus on things that matter {spiritually} and not just physically!” and i tend to agree with the last statement more so than the first. cuz with k.c. {the young man} not being 15-20 minutes away, i can really pray about whether this is god’s will or if it’s just my flesh. i can focus on “okay! is he someone i WANT to live the rest of my life with + raise a family with + grow old with?”

    thank you so much for this post!!! it was much needed 😉

    Alisha

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  4. Thank you for standing up for long-distance relationships! I met my boyfriend at college and spent the good chunk of our two years together at school…but the summer months and the breaks (like this week), we spend 2 1/2 hours apart.

    Alisha’s right that one of the biggest pros is focusing more on the spiritual rather than the physical aspects of the relationship. Other than that, I really, really hate the long-distance portions of my relationship. Doable? Yes, totally! Enjoyable? Heck, no. Maybe your boyfriend’s more talkative, but mine’s super introverted and gets tired after talking a while. Even *I* get tired of talking! It’s just hard to focus so much talking attention on the other person, which is really all you can do long-distance (unless you take up online chess ;)). It’s nice to be able to just sit in each other’s company and live life together. I’ll admit, though — when we’re together at school, I miss the amount of talking we do over breaks!!

    Anyways, congratulations on your engagement and the end of your long-distance relationship!! 🙂

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  5. Good to be hear and to read dis blog…i have been in a long distance relationship for 29 months that’s almost 3yrs and about to get married… Its not easy but with God, it’s the best…. And if u are in it seriously and genuinely it’s build TRUST…..

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