Today, I am going to tell you something that I have not told you before. I haven’t talked about it much because I never really thought it was necessary, but, today, God put it on my heart to tell my story. I dated a guy in college for about six months. It’s not his name but we will call him “Matt.” Now, before I started dating Matt, I knew he was a player. I had seen him around campus, and saw him flirt with the girls- every girl- but, for some reason, I thought that I could be the girl to change him. I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and was looking to move on, and Matt said alllll the right things. Looking back, there were many red flags that I could have seen, but chose to ignore throughout our relationship. {insane jealousy, pornography on his computer he blamed on his little brother, periods of no communication followed by apologies and lots of gifts, etc…} I was young, trusting, and I never thought something like this could happen to me. I mean, we were both Christians!

Well, six months into our relationship, I was visiting his family in Tennessee, and he received a text from an unknown number asking if he could talk when I wasn’t around. Matt told me it was a woman that he had met at the Y with his younger brothers over the summer, and that he had not spoken to her in six months. I thought it was odd that a married woman was texting him about speaking privately with him so we called her and he coerced her into saying that they had not spoken since the summer when they met.I decided to let it go for the moment and see what happened…

After I came home, I spoke with my mother about the situation, and we did some investigating. We found the woman’s husband on facebook and emailed him about what had happened. I was not prepared for the response to that email. He told me that Matt had had a relationship with his wife over the summer after they had met at the Y with his younger brothers and her children. He said that he had to threaten Matt to stop seeing his wife. All of this had happened in the very early stages of our relationship. Their communication had stopped during the semester at college, but as soon as he was back in town at home, Matt had started seeing this woman again. All of this was confirmed by phone records and other research done by the woman’s husband. I, of course, confronted Matt to receive more lies and emotional manipulation, and shortly after, our relationship ended.

I tell you my story because I want you to know two things. Number one, it can happen to you. I was a 22 year old Christian girl from a Christian home going to a Christian college. This is why I write to you to be smart about who you date, why you date, how you date, etc… No one is completely safe from psychos, cheaters, and manipulators unless they are smart enough to stay away from them. Number two, if you have been cheated on, there is hope for you…

First of all, know that God didn’t take him away from you. None of this was God’s plan or God’s fault. You made a choice to date this guy, and he made his choice to cheat on you. God didn’t do that. God knows you deserve better than that, and you WILL find better than that. You have to be smart enough and patient enough to wait to find better.

See, I was sad when we broke up, but not really because I had lost him. I was relieved he was gone. I was sad for me, and I was sad because I was impatient. I was sad something that could have worked out didn’t work out and now I had to start over. I was sad because of the emotional state he left me in. I felt empty, and of little worth because I had found my worth in that relationship, and I was enough for him. He had to go looking elsewhere………. but that was not my fault.

If you have been cheated on, you are not damaged. They are. I didn’t do anything wrong to deserve to be cheated on and neither did you. The person you should feel sorry for is the person who cheated. They left a good thing behind, and if they continue in their ways, they will never find real love… but you will.

My, oh, my how grateful I am today that we broke up and I moved on. I’m so thankful that I didn’t waste time wishing he was back in my life. He was an idiot! I learned so many lessons from that situation that I can take and share with you! God took care of my broken spirit and heart because I chose to give it to him. I chose to find my worth in my Jesus. I chose to do it his way, and he took care of all my needs and gave me a wonderful godly man who loves me with all his heart.

I’m going to be honest, it might be a long road to recovery for you. It might take a lot for you to trust again. You may have insecurities to work through and issues to take care of deep within yourself to be able to be in another relationship. Don’t give up on love. It is real. It’s just his love that wasn’t. Real love doesn’t leave you afraid to love again. Press into God. Find your worth in him. Know that you are so loved and focus on how Jesus proves that love to you each and every day.

My dear, you are a PRIZE. Remind yourself that everyday….And someday the right man will come along, and you won’t have to remind yourself any more. Why? Because he treats you like his treasure. You will be his gift from God. It’s not going to be easy, but it is worth it. There can be a happy ending if you let go, give it to God, and trust him with all of your heart.

{Click here to read more about dealing with trust issues.}