I was cheated on…. now what?

10415722_771074419620218_1724822520874049323_n

Today, I am going to tell you something that I have not told you before. I haven’t talked about it much because I never really thought it was necessary, but, today, God put it on my heart to tell my story. I dated a guy in college for about six months. It’s not his name but we will call him “Matt.” Now, before I started dating Matt, I knew he was a player. I had seen him around campus, and saw him flirt with the girls- every girl- but, for some reason, I thought that I could be the girl to change him. I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and was looking to move on, and Matt said alllll the right things. Looking back, there were many red flags that I could have seen, but chose to ignore throughout our relationship. {insane jealousy, pornography on his computer he blamed on his little brother, periods of no communication followed by apologies and lots of gifts, etc…} I was young, trusting, and I never thought something like this could happen to me. I mean, we were both Christians!

Well, six months into our relationship, I was visiting his family in Tennessee, and he received a text from an unknown number asking if he could talk when I wasn’t around. Matt told me it was a woman that he had met at the Y with his younger brothers over the summer, and that he had not spoken to her in six months. I thought it was odd that a married woman was texting him about speaking privately with him so we called her and he coerced her into saying that they had not spoken since the summer when they met.I decided to let it go for the moment and see what happened…

After I came home, I spoke with my mother about the situation, and we did some investigating. We found the woman’s husband on facebook and emailed him about what had happened. I was not prepared for the response to that email. He told me that Matt had had a relationship with his wife over the summer after they had met at the Y with his younger brothers and her children. He said that he had to threaten Matt to stop seeing his wife. All of this had happened in the very early stages of our relationship. Their communication had stopped during the semester at college, but as soon as he was back in town at home, Matt had started seeing this woman again. All of this was confirmed by phone records and other research done by the woman’s husband. I, of course, confronted Matt to receive more lies and emotional manipulation, and shortly after, our relationship ended.

I tell you my story because I want you to know two things. Number one, it can happen to you. I was a 22 year old Christian girl from a Christian home going to a Christian college. This is why I write to you to be smart about who you date, why you date, how you date, etc… No one is completely safe from psychos, cheaters, and manipulators unless they are smart enough to stay away from them. Number two, if you have been cheated on, there is hope for you…

First of all, know that God didn’t take him away from you. None of this was God’s plan or God’s fault. You made a choice to date this guy, and he made his choice to cheat on you. God didn’t do that. God knows you deserve better than that, and you WILL find better than that. You have to be smart enough and patient enough to wait to find better.

See, I was sad when we broke up, but not really because I had lost him. I was relieved he was gone. I was sad for me, and I was sad because I was impatient. I was sad something that could have worked out didn’t work out and now I had to start over. I was sad because of the emotional state he left me in. I felt empty, and of little worth because I had found my worth in that relationship, and I was enough for him. He had to go looking elsewhere………. but that was not my fault.

If you have been cheated on, you are not damaged. They are. I didn’t do anything wrong to deserve to be cheated on and neither did you. The person you should feel sorry for is the person who cheated. They left a good thing behind, and if they continue in their ways, they will never find real love… but you will.

My, oh, my how grateful I am today that we broke up and I moved on. I’m so thankful that I didn’t waste time wishing he was back in my life. He was an idiot! I learned so many lessons from that situation that I can take and share with you! God took care of my broken spirit and heart because I chose to give it to him. I chose to find my worth in my Jesus. I chose to do it his way, and he took care of all my needs and gave me a wonderful godly man who loves me with all his heart.

I’m going to be honest, it might be a long road to recovery for you. It might take a lot for you to trust again. You may have insecurities to work through and issues to take care of deep within yourself to be able to be in another relationship. Don’t give up on love. It is real. It’s just his love that wasn’t. Real love doesn’t leave you afraid to love again. Press into God. Find your worth in him. Know that you are so loved and focus on how Jesus proves that love to you each and every day.

My dear, you are a PRIZE. Remind yourself that everyday….And someday the right man will come along, and you won’t have to remind yourself any more. Why? Because he treats you like his treasure. You will be his gift from God. It’s not going to be easy, but it is worth it. There can be a happy ending if you let go, give it to God, and trust him with all of your heart.

{Click here to read more about dealing with trust issues.}

Advertisements

10 comments

  1. Hello! This was a great post! I have a similar story (it was 6 years ago? I think). I felt broken, too. However, Jesus swept me off my feet and I found so much healing in Him during that time. It is important to say that after I completely healed, I began to forgive and pray for that guy. Yes, his actions were wrong, but Jesus died for him, too. Long story short, last thing I heard, he was being called into priesthood! I think this point of the healing process helped me move on. God blessed me with my now husband a few years after that. Praise Him!

    Like

  2. Thank you for writing this! I’ve had a similar experience but I’m so thankful for healing and the man God has put in my life now. I only wish I had read this last year!

    Like

  3. Thank you for being obedient for writing this!!! This is such an encouragement for me about waiting. It’s easy to say to wait for the one, but I’m learning the real test is that it takes perseverance and patience. I know I’m still in the healing process because I’m afraid to love again by starting all over. But God reminds me his promises are worth it! ❤

    Like

  4. Thank you for posting about this issue. My teenage daughter has chosen not to date. Her decision isn’t very popular with her peers but she is sticking to her beliefs. She wants to wait. We read “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris and are now reading his book, “Boy Meets Girl”. It has really validated her feelings on the dating issue and given us many opportunities for discussion.
    She was pursued heavily this summer by a boy that was a real player. She told him she was only going to be friends with him. He tried every tactic to sway her but she held firm. God was watching out for her and helped her to keep her head about it all. This boy hadn’t been rejected before. It took him a several wks but he is finally starting to act more like a friend. She has learned some valuable lessons over the summer. She loves your posts. You are a beautiful person that shines with God’s love.

    Like

  5. It was relieving to hear something like this. Something similar happened to me my last semester of college. This kind of thing happens to guys too.

    Like

  6. Wow! i love this post so much. Some years ago when i was in the University, i dated the wrong guy for the wrong reason and he treated like he was ashamed to be seen with me. I was hurt and felt inferior. I found refuge in Jesus and i can’t say i’m totally over it but now i know and believe i’m fearfully and wonderfully made. I don’t need to be begging some guy to love me when God has preserved His best for me. I thank God for His restoration power.

    Like

  7. This was so honest and so heartfelt. I appreciate women like you who bravely share their stories. I, like many, can relate to this and God is using you to help grow a great deal of women.

    Like

  8. A very wise woman told me something very similar to this. And it’s just what I needed to hear, I finally understand what I am worth without a boy that didn’t see the good thing he had. I’m so glad that God is still working on me after pretty much ignoring him during that period of time I spent with that guy. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache, but that’s ok because I know God will bring me the perfect guy at the right time! 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s