So you're dating now…

10487405_728215430572784_7521298266765042164_n

In the past, I have written a lot of posts on singleness. It has been great! But what happens when you actually meet someone special and start dating them? So, as an answer to some of your questions, I’ve put together a few dating tips for godly relationships.

Now, before you roll your eyes an think you have heard all this before, I want you to know that it will be a little different. I’m not going to harp on the obvious. Obviously, you should love Jesus more than you love that person. Obviously, you should obey the Bible same as everyone else. So many problems can be avoided as long as both people in the relationship want to do what is right from the Bible!

So, I am assuming that you have chosen someone who has these same goals as you. Even the best relationships require a work and giving on your part. These are some things to remember on the daily to make your great relationship even better.

#1. Don’t go hungry.

Everyone knows not to go to the grocery store hungry, but that’s the way many people go into relationships. Healthy relationships are a supplement to a healthy lifestyle. Not the other way around. You can’t starve yourself and expect to be nourished by the first thing you can get your hands on, and no one wants to be your sole source of fulfillment. Fill up your own life with a with God and good, healthy relationships with other people. Your relationship can not be the only source of love and joy.

Furthermore, whatever we pour ourselves into is where we expect to get our fulfillment from, and so many invest so much of their lives into their relationship and are sucking the life out of their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife because they can not give you true satisfaction. There are so many other ways to pour your heart out for God and other people. When we give ourselves to God, He gives us peace, satisfaction, rest, and fulfillment. These are the things that make being in a relationship with you a JOY because you can relax, and be yourself, and make the best decisions for your relationship.

#2 Try to understand each other.

This may seem obvious to some, but when you are actually in a situation that requires this behavior, it is easier said than done. Especially since men and women have very different view points on things. When you run into a problem that you can’t seem to work through, try looking at what YOU are doing wrong instead of them. I guarantee it will make you swallow your pride and make things right. Oftentimes, we want so badly for the person to see things OUR way, but the principle “Do unto others as you would have them do to you” found in Matthew 7:12 requires you to put yourself in the other persons shoes and try to see things their way. Shouldn’t that be easy if you truly love them?

#3 Don’t put conditions on your love.

Everybody has their pet peeves. Everyone has their “deal breakers.” Some are pickier than others. Lots of people claim they want unconditional love but require others to live up to a complicated list of conditions. Some of which are not sins, and should not be treated as such. When you treat your preferences like sins if people don’t measure up, you start to sound like the “boy who cried wolf.” Pretty soon, no one will want to be around you because you are impossible to please. High standards and high maintenance are two different things. Don’t get them confused. In short, if it is not a sin, zip your lip.

#4. Cast out your own fears.

You may have been hurt in the past. You may be new to the dating scene. You may have apprehensions. You don’t want to get hurt again or at all or cheated on or left alone, etc. I used to think that since it says in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casteth out fear” that if someone truly loved me that their love would vaporize all my fears. What I quickly learned was that it is not always true. THEIR love is not going to cast out my fear, the truth is, that if I truly love them, I’m gonna cast out my own fears. If I say I love them, then I’m purposely going to not be afraid of them hurting me. I’m not going to be afraid of them cheating on me, or leaving me, or disappointing me. Because if I don’t throw out my own fear then I just can’t say that I truly love them. It says, “There is no fear in love.” You can’t get around it.{learn more about how to unsubscribe to trust issues here}

Not to mention, if you don’t allow them the room to mess up, or hurt you in any way, then #1 you’re not letting them into your whole heart or #2 you’re going to ruin everything with your constant worrying and nagging and anxiety. Don’t mess up a for sure thing with unnecessary “what ifs.”

#5 Know the difference between sacrifice and compromise, and when to do both.

Compromise is when both people give up something of their own for a greater something together- 2 people win. Sacrifice is when one person gives up all of what they want for what the other person wants- 1 person wins. Both are needed in successful relationships. Compromise is obviously best; however, sometimes compromise is not an option and sacrifices are going to have to be made by BOTH people throughout the relationship, because if one person is constantly making sacrifices, they may become resentful for giving when they don’t have anything more to give. Evaluate the times when you have given too much or asked too much without considering the other person. Seek compromise first, but make sure the sacrifices are healthy and fair as well when they are needed.

#6 Choice is the thing.

Not every moment of every day are you going to feel the ushy-gushy feeling we like to call love. These are the times when the commitment you’ve made to each other trumps your feelings. Your choice- your commitment- sustains the love. Not the other way around. So many times in the Bible God commands us to love one another, and since you can not command an emotion, God has made it clear that love is a choice. To do loving things for each other is a choice. To act lovingly toward each other is a choice. To stay….. it’s all your choice. If you are not married, then it is your choice to love or leave, but choice is the thing. So more than “I love you” sometimes “I choose you” is more appropriate. “I love you because I have chosen you” is the thing… day after day after day.

I hope I have challenged you to love one another better, and seek a better relationship. Remember that no relationship is perfect, and you will be hurt if you choose to open your heart and let love in, but in the end, it is what we were made to do. Love God and love others, and have healthy godly relationships with people. That’s what life is all about after all.

Advertisements

9 comments

  1. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m 17 years old and I am in a new relationship; my first relationship. It’s very new to me but this blog has helped me a lot so thank you Lauren!

    Like

  2. #4 is something huge for me. Thanks for all the input! It really puts everything into the right kind of perspective. 🙂

    Like

  3. Thank you so much for this! #4 really struck a chord with me as God has been working on that in my own heart in the past year. It’s always refreshing and encouraging to read posts on godly dating/relationships. It helps to see wisdom and understanding from other godly women. God Bless, sister. xo

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s