So Christian bloggers these days, and yes ok that’s me, tend to refer to a “godly guy” as some mystical creature only a select few are ever privileged enough to lay eyes on. It’s like, ok Crocodile Dundee, can you at least tell me what I’m looking for? Am I right?

I get asked this question a lot, and it’s a tough one, but easy at the same time…. IF you know what you’re looking for.

First of all. Put away your list. Don’t “what list” me. I know you’ve got one. We are gonna start from scratch.

What’s the most important thing in a guy? Character. I knowwwww.. You can’t see that either, at least, not right away. The reason we start with character, however, is because that’s the stuff that’s gonna last when everything else fades away. I recently heard Dr. Henry Cloud say that no one comes to him for marriage counseling wanting a divorce because the other person isn’t funny enough, cute enough, tall enough, etc… None of those surface issues that we tend to think are major priorities. Nope, the problems are in their character. Think about that. Let it sink in. Now go tear up your list. {Just kidding.} {Kind of.}

Sometimes people have obvious character flaws, and you can clearly see that person is not good for you. I’m not talking about that. Like I said before, more subtle character flaws are not something you are going to see on the first meeting, or the first date, or heaven knows, the first kiss. These are areas of weakness that will show themselves over time. Time spent with that person, time spent with them and their family, time spent with them with their friends, time spent having actual conversations in real time and real life (ie not texting).

Okay, okay, I’ll give you some examples.

Does he go to church? Well that’s an easy one to see. It tells you where their priorities lie on Sunday morning, aaaand Saturday night. A godly guy should be in church. Period.

Does he get involved in church? Is the ministry something he sits back and takes from or something he actively gives to? He doesn’t have to be the pastor, but is he willing to help where help is needed in his body of believers?

Does he live what he believes? Woah, now we are getting vague again. Do you mean like is he a missionary? Well, ok that’s a start. Does he care about giving the gospel out? Is he concerned about his testimony to the people around him? Does he try to be a light and a witness to his unsaved friends, family, co-workers? Godly people seek to tell others about the God they love because first, God has commanded it and second, they can’t keep quiet!

What about purity? Yes, people make mistakes. I can’t make any decisions for you about what you decide you can handle about his past, but what about now? What about today? How does he feel about purity- not just virginity- purity? Does he guard he eyes with regards to what he watches? Does he guard his ears with regard to what he listens to? Does he guard his heart with regard to the kinds of girls he talks to and hangs around?

Godly men look for godly women, and they protect themselves against ungodly women. Period. If a man can not protect his own purity, I can not and will not trust him to protect mine.

What other questions should you be asking about a potential mate? Let’s see..

1. Does he put Christ first?
2. Does he push me closer to Christ and encourage me to grow?
3. Does he support my goals/ministry?
4. Does he protect my purity?
5. Does he care about my heart, my feelings, my needs, my life or just his own?
6. Does he have his own spiritual goals and take responsibility for his own growth?
7. Does he actively seek to obey and please God with his life?
8. Can I trust him with my life and the lives of my future children?
9. Is he a genuinely kind and happy and hardworking person?
10. Is he humble?
11. Is he kind to me and does he seek to better my life and make me happy with his presence in my life?

I added that last one because I want to let you know that just because a guy may meet all the criteria and look really good on paper doesn’t mean that he’s the all-time perfect godliest guy ever and you should marry him. There are many guys, and I’ve dated a few, that take a lot of pride in how “godly and spiritual” they are constantly making YOU feel like the “lucky one” to be with or near or next to such an amazing wonderful rare and fabulous guy as him. And that’s garbage. When you truly love God first and someone else second and yourself last, then you will be thankful and kind and humble and treat the person you “love” with love and kindness and respect putting their needs and wishes above your own.

Ugh, well I told you it was a tough question, and that is a lot of questions to ask! Really, like I’ve said before, it all comes down to finding out if this guy #1 truly loves God, and #2 is seeking to obey him fully with his life. That’s it. Bottom line.

I hope I’ve given you plenty to think about. I didn’t give it to you in “10 simple steps” or “20 things you should look for” because life is just not that simple.

And, one last thing, don’t get discouraged. Are you willing to do these things? Well, then, so is someone else. Say your prayers and live for God to the fullest and highest and deepest, and you will attract someone who does the same…. And, even better, you will repel most of the ones who dont.