Unsubscribing to Your Trust Issues

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So you have been hurt. Someone lied. Someone cheated. Someone took your precious, devoted, pure heart and dropped it like it was hot. That hurt, and the road to recovery has been a long one. One of pressing into Jesus, and finding your strength in Him for each new day. Now that a new day has come for you, you have all these feelings you don’t know what to do with.

Maybe you know you are dating a good guy who would never lie or cheat, but there is always a battle of self-worth that you are fighting inside. The devil’s voice is loud and clear, “YOU WILL NEVER BE LOVED… because you are not enough.” He is a big fat liar.

I want to arm you to combat these voices. Believe me when I tell you, I’m entitled to more trust issues than issues of Vogue that are stuffed under my bed, but I know that God has plans for me and you… so we are gonna get through this together.

The very first thing I want you to embed in your heart is that it was not your fault. It was not by any shortcoming of yours that your trust has been torn to shreds perhaps over and over again. These issues are not yours to begin with. They were given to you by someone who was broken and flawed and selfish and sinful. That was HIS problem. The fault was entirely his to own. Okay, you say, it wasn’t my fault… what does that mean? This means that you, my darling, do not carry that issue from relationship to relationship. It does not follow you around. You do not wear a sign on your forehead telling the world of your failure- because it was not your failure. All you did was love…. and he hurt you. It was his issue, and it follows no one but him. He is the one bound for unsuccessful relationships because of this character flaw. Not you.

Secondly, I want you to realize that although these trust issues were given to you, you are the one who has to decide what to do with them. It is your job to handle this and get it straight inside your heart. It is not your boyfriend’s or your husband’s burden to bear. There is nothing he can do to fix your past. All he can do is be honest and be true. If you are going to worry about every situation he is in because you think you aren’t good enough for him to resist the temptation of cheating on you or you think he will lie to you, that is YOUR decision. You have to make a choice. Of course, if he is the great guy that you believe he is {and if you don’t believe he is a great guy, why are you dating him in the first place?} then he will do his honest best to help you hand these issues to God, but he can not do it for you.

I think we get so overwhelmed sometimes that we don’t know what to do with the issues. We are tired of carrying them. They are such a burden that we force the guy we are dating to carry them for us. “Here! Take these! I can’t do it on my own.” And believe me, he tries. He will try his best to carry them around and worry about how heavy they are getting and try to keep them out of your sight, but, the truth is, they are too heavy for him too…. It is unfair to expect him to want to carry around issues that he is completely not responsible for.

All right so… it wasn’t my fault, but now that I have these issues, I can’t make my boyfriend carry them for me, and it is just too much for me to carry on my own. What do I do?

You gotta unsubscribe. You have to give them up. But I might get hurt! Yup, you might, but you also might not. To be completely honest, there is not one little thing you can do if the man you are choosing to trust chooses to lie to you. All you can do is freak out about every little thing that hasn’t even happened yet, and that will only drive a good man away.

Trust issues are self-preservation mechanisms that are fueled by insecurity. Okay well, where do we find our worth? God. Who loves us more than we could ever imagine? God. Who wants the very best for us so that we can live lives that glorify His name? God. God! Who can we ALWAYS trust even when it’s hard to trust others, and even hard to trust ourselves? GOD!

Are we forgetting about God? He knows your heart. He knows your boyfriend’s heart. And I promise you that He will protect you. If you pray and ask God to show you his will clearly no matter what it is, He will show you. He will make it clear what kind of man you are dating–whether he is a liar or someone who will love you truthfully in all situations. God is the one who will always be there to mend a broken heart. God is the one who will be there smiling when your relationship brings glory to Him. God is the one you can trust with all of it.

It really is your choice. When are you going to unsubscribe to your trust issues and give it all to God? When are you going to trust him? After a year of dating? After your man puts a ring on your finger? After he says I do? Aren’t you ready to seek God’s face and ask Him to take control? He is so much more able to carry our issues than any person here on earth. Get on your knees, girl, and pray, pray, pray. He is ready to take them off your hands.

Lastly, get on your knees, and pray pray pray for your man. Ask God to draw his heart closer everyday because when God is number one and when your boyfriend is seeking to please him first, he will seek to treat you like God’s daughter. Ask God to convict him of sin, ask God to give him power to overcome temptation, ask God to help him not only not do what’s wrong but give him the strength to walk in God’s ways and do what is right always. I guarantee that when you trust God to do his job in these areas, that you will find Him to be faithful, and you will find it easier to trust your boyfriend when you are entrusting him and your entire relationship to God first and foremost.

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A note to guys who have girlfriends who are struggling with trust:

Yes, give her every reason to trust you. Over and over again. Trust is built with the bricks of consistency. It is so much easier to trust someone who makes it easy to trust. Not just once or twice but consistently proves themselves worthy.

Above all remember that even though it may feel as if she is putting the blame and responsibility all on you, it really has nothing to do with you and how worthy of trust you are. She is putting the blame on herself. She fears that she is not enough- because she wasn’t at one point to someone. When a girls trust is broken, it does something to the very core of herself. It’s not so much that she doesn’t trust you, but she doesn’t trust herself- to pick someone worthy of her trust- or to know when she is being lied to.

The best thing to do to help her is not to automatically defend yourself always, but to reassure her that she has worth. Remind her of her worth in Christ. Let her know that you see her God-given worth. You cherish her heart and would never do anything to hurt it. Encourage her to trust God with every aspect of your relationship just as you are. It’s not about you.. It’s not even about her ex. It’s about her seeing that she is worthy of love, worthy of faithfulness, worthy of someone giving their life to and love to completely. Put your trust in God and encourage her to give her all to God as well– including her trust issues. And, hey, thank you for being someone she can trust, and for caring enough to help her through this. You are one of the good ones. :]

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12 comments

  1. Wow. This was written for me it seems. I thank God for using you to deliver me this timely message. Blessings and peace to you.

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  2. This is fantastic! I appreciate your sharing your heart on this issue of trust. I do have a question. What if your trust issues carry from an abusive situation with a parent and it is something you can’t really separate yourself from, but it affects all relationships in your life? It’s a tough question, and it’s a hard thing to figure out and work through but an opinion might help.

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  3. God bless you greatly for this post. I still struggle till now with trust. The first reason is, i was almost raped at 14 and the second is my ex-boyfriend didn’t make me feel loved. I struggled with thoughts of insecurity for long.It’s only recently that it is gradually going away. Trusting God is building me up for my marriage in future so He’s making sure i don’t carry that baggage with me into it.Thanks so much Lauren and stay mightily blessed.

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  4. Again, fulltimegirl, you amaze me. Thanks so much for your awesome writings that you share through your beautiful blog. ๐Ÿ™‚

    God Bless You!
    Michelle โค

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  5. @ Allison and Jordan; I have been in very similar situations as the both of you have. Let me just say, that Lauren is on the right track and pointing you in the right direction. Realizing that the fault is not with you is the first step. Knowing the Lord and your worth to him and with him is the second. These feelings of anger and guilt and unworthiness with present themselves over and over again through out your life time. All I can say its that when that happens, just pray and seek the Lord. Find verses in God’s word that assures you that you are worthy in Christ Jesus. Beg God to help you have a forgiving heart and to move on. Do not dwell on the hurts, move away from them. Allison, for me the parent was a step parent, and I am not in the position to have to maintain a relationship with him. I now hold no ill will toward him and have forgiven him, but he is completely out of my life. I do not believe it a terrible thing to totally distance yourself from hurtful relationships even if it is a parental one.

    Thank you Lauren for your faithfulness and wise insight and for sharing the hurtful parts of your life as well as the beautiful ones. God Bless you.

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  6. You are truly a gem from God, these words truly hit home and literally brought me to tears. Thank you so much for doing what you do on this website. Seriously changed my perspective on who I am as a daughter of the Most Highest(:
    God Bless You Lauren!

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  7. Thank you very much Lauren! You are truly precious! ๐Ÿ™‚ May He continue to deepen your wisdom and enhancing your natural ability to put into words what others cant explain. Love u!

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