Lauren DeMoss Benson

Through Seasons and Mixed Signals

This used to be my life. Unavailable men used to be my kryptonite. Guys that would say all the right things, and smile all the right ways, and convince me in all the right words. I used to be that girl that was fooled by the mixed signals- not knowing or maybe just not wanting to see that they were just big talkers. Nothing but fancy pants who were only in my life to teach me a lesson, and then leave, but I would always get my hopes up because I was looking at them like they were sticking around for a lifetime.

It is hard to admit to yourself that maybe you are choosing the wrong type of men. This is why I write to girls, you know, I want to warn them of all the bad things to stay away from, and all the bad treatment that they should not put up with. But sometimes even when you know these things in your head, it just keeps happening over and over because we are just picking the wrong type of man.

We know crappy guys are a dime a dozen, and, girls, they will find out what you want to hear and they will say it every time, and if you are not smart, you will fall for it. After a short time though, they will realize that what you believe isn’t just something you “want to hear.” It is truly how you believe, and truly how you live. I don’t know how many times this has happened to me. After a while, they leave, and leave you brokenhearted in the process because they weren’t really the real deal. They couldn’t really keep up with your “expectations” or “standards” because they didn’t have any of their own. They only talked the talk.

Sometimes deciding to break this pattern means several things. It means determining to be smart at every stage of getting to know someone. It means taking a step back to evaluate every now and then. It means that no matter how good they sound, you need to understand that their actions will speak louder. It means simply using your brain as a filter for everything before you allow it to go to your heart. It means stop allowing men to make you choose between being with them or being yourself. It means putting your foot down and using your voice and standing up for yourself even if it means letting someone go.

There are a million different ways that things can go wrong, or that someone can be a scumbag or a jerk, or that they can mistreat you, or that they can just be all wrong, and I try to write a lot about each scenario but couldn’t possible list them all here, but I know this: I know that when it’s right you will be yourself, you will have peace, you won’t be fretting over every little thing, you won’t be worried all the time about whether he really like you or not, or what he is doing when you are not around. You won’t. You’ll just be happy.

I’m not saying it’s always going to be perfect. That really goes without saying. I’m also not saying it’s going to happen tomorrow. Making the decision to wait for a man of integrity that God would approve of might take some time. Waiting for someone who keeps his promises might cost a few lonely nights, you might be wondering what is taking him so long some days, you might think you’ll just die if you have to spend one more holiday season single….. but it will be worth it.

You never, ever, ever have to settle for someone who doesn’t make you realize that they are everything you’ve been waiting for. I don’t care how much you’ve been hurt. {I could tell you stories about my past that would make your head spin.} You serve the Healer of broken hearts. I don’t care how old you think you are. You serve the Author of time who is writing your story each and every day. I don’t care how hopeless it seems. You serve a God of love, and life, and hope beyond explanation or measure. I don’t care if you have never been on a date in your entire life. God knows your story, and He knows your heart, and He knows exactly how the ending will play out.

Don’t get caught up with people who are only supposed to be in your life for a season. Don’t get too attached to someone who isn’t what God would want for his daughter. Don’t waste your precious time of fretting over mixed signals. Allow God to get your hopes up of finding a man who is really worth the wait…. because He really truly loves you, and cares about your love life, and He has your best interest at heart as long as your heart is given to Him.

21 comments

  2. Beautiful post once again! Just a few months ago I was struggling with this and I wish I would have had this as reference but I’m glad I’ve come to the same conclusion. The best decision I can make is to not settle for someone because I’m in a hurry (which I really never am cause God holds time in His hands!) or because I haven’t found anything better. The Lord is so good and He’s got the right person for me. I agree so much with putting your foot down and defending yourself even if you have to let someone go! Thanks Lauren 🙂

    Nathali

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  3. She gets it! Here I think, I am alone in my own boat, and reading these things makes me realize I am not. I have had my sad stories that I share often, mostly for laughs now. But…what I have read on here and on all your posts makes me realize that I am worth the wait and so is he!! Thank you for your encouraging words and confirming what I believe to be true in my heart.

    -M

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  6. This is a wonderful post weather girls are 16 or 64,learning to discern what is happening when dating is challengeing. grateful to have you shareing your knowledge with us.

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  7. Thank you for this! I’m going through a really rough time, I let me ex back into my life to only have him play games with me and me fall for it. Only to find out that while he’s playing games with me, he is seeing someone else. I hate myself more than the world understands and reading this helps me realize that god wants something more and special more me. Thanks for your words, they are helping me stop with the mixed signals and learn to wait for god to give me what he wants for me.

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  8. Oh my… I really can’t express just HOW much I needed this. I do this practically all the time, and it gets tiresome and upsetting. Thank you!

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  9. This couldn’t have came at a perfect time for myself along with a friend who desperately needed this. So many girls get caught up in the fact that their not married or haven’t met their special someone. I wonder if their preparing their hearts,minds and body to the Lord so he can direct them to the one that will love them unconditionally. As a single person it’s easier to devote all your time to him and use this opportunity to serve God and he will bless you for it.

    BTW: I totally matched this post with Francesca Battistelli (write your story album cover)

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  12. Loved it!!! Absolutely love it!! It was like you knew my life and what I was going through. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for sharing… Such a great encouragement! Please continue to share.
    May God continue to use and bless you xxx

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  14. Was thinking about this yesterday and today. You know when you realise that God loves you to much to just allow you to be with someone who hurts you. Was listening to lecraes song where he goes “God loves you lady you’ll always be his baby” and “you hold on like God hasn’t got better plans for you.” It just settled in me that God loves me soooo much that why would he want a man that’s not right to take care of his baby. Thanks for being obedient to your calling.

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  15. Love this! ….. “God knows my story, and He knows my heart”.
    I shall neither fear or justify myself to anyone.

    L, always such a pleasure reading your posts! x

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  18. Love this post.

    Especially love this quote: “Don’t get too attached to someone who isn’t what God would want for his daughter.”

    If I’m tempted to go against the guidance of a God like that, it shows I doubt Him. If that describes you, reading this comment, I encourage you to trust Him!

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