FAQ: I really like this guy…. now what?

 

Reader: “So, Lauren, I found this guy. He is everything you write about. He is godly, and kind, and wonderful, and his smile just makes me melt! So…. what now?”

tftg: “That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you. So have you been getting to know him?”

At this point, I may get several responses ranging from “We are friends, but..” to “He doesn’t know I exist.”

Today, I want to tackle the issue of “I really like this guy, but I don’t know what to do with my feelings.”

1. Give your feelings to God.

First and foremost, our emotions should never have control of us. Our feelings should be filtered through our own common sense, the Bible, and what we know God says about us. This is how we take the desperate out of dating.

a.) Common sense tells us that just because we like someone doesn’t mean they are right for us. They could be the most godly person on the planet, but that doesn’t mean that everything will work out. It doesn’t mean your personalities will be right for each other. It doesn’t mean that it’s meant to be. That’s common sense. You can like him all you want, it just doesn’t mean he will like you back… and that’s okay, because, let’s face it girls, we don’t always have the best common sense. {I’m certainly glad looking back that not every single guy that I have “liked” in my 27 years liked me back.}

b.) The Bible tells us that God will provide for all of our needs according to his plan. That plan includes our needs for love and a husband… in HIS timing. So how do you know that this isn’t God’s divine plan for your life? Well, you don’t. It’s good that you are opening up your heart, and that you’ve found a godly guy who is worthy of your heart, but you have to trust God’s hand that he will allow you to move forward if it is his plan.

c.) God tells us that we are loved. He tells us we are his beloved and that we will always be his treasured children no matter how anyone else feels about us. We can not allow the acceptance or feelings of others to determine how we see ourselves. We have to come to realization that IF this guy eventually likes you back, or even if he doesn’t, all will be just fine because you are in the arms of Jesus Christ. You are holding hands and being guided by the Author of time, and love, and relationships, and He will take care of you regardless.

2. Don’t forget to take your chances.

I say this with a teeny tiny bit of hesitation because I don’t want you to go crazy here, but in context with all the other things that I have written, I want you to know that it is all right to put yourself out there. Yes, the woman should be the pursued. Yes, guys need to do the hunting and all that. However, we need to be open to the possibility of putting yourself in the position to be pursued. You can’t expect to sit at home alone in the castle and never talk to anyone and be rescued by a prince in shining armor that’s never even heard your name.

The guy needs to know a little bit about you to actually become interested in pursuing you. So… go talk to him. Say hello. He might ignore you, he might be kind and that’s it, but then again, you might marry him. Take your chances to show him a little bit of the funny, friendly, awesome or even shy, but sweet girl we know you are. He may just like what he sees in you.

What if you are already friends? He already knows you. Chances are, if you are already friends, and he hasn’t tried to get to know you in a romantic way yet, he either is a.) not interested or b.) has never thought about it. I would tread lightly, but some guys are just a little clueless when it comes to girls, and they don’t pick up on our little cues. Be prepared that it might not work out the way you’re hoping, but if you never say anything, then you will never get anywhere. Period.

3. Be open to all possibilities.

I’m not saying ask him out or text him constantly or stalk him every chance you get. {I’m assuming you are not a psycho here.} All I’m saying is that you have to open up just a little, you have to make yourself vulnerable, you have to give a little bit of your heart to get anywhere in relationships. Your prince is most likely not going to come with a crow bar to pry it open. If this guy is as charming and wonderful and godly as you say, then he is worth the risk. The best that could happen is that he falls in love with you and you live happily ever after. The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work out, he is not the one God has planned for you, and you move on to find your prince in someone else. That’s okay though because you were trusting God all along anyway, right? ;]

Look, it’s not always meant to be. It’s actually only meant to be once in a lifetime. I could name several guys throughout my life that I had really huge crushes on, and I can’t name one of them that I wish I was with today. So trust God, take a chance, and be open to all possibilities, and know that God has a plan and it is more wonderful than you can imagine. The best part about it all is when our hearts and our identity and our worth are safe in God’s hands and our desire is to do God’s will, He will not let us make the wrong decision. Leave the rest up to Him.

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15 comments

  1. Thank you for this post Lauren! I’ve been getting into a season in my life where I’m really content with being single but this has really helped me to know what I should do when the time comes that God places a desire to be in a relationship in my heart. I’m always so encouraged by your posts and I learn so much about God through your words, so again, thank you!

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  2. Wow! You don’t realize who much I needed every. single. word that you just wrote! Especially about taking your chances. Even though I am a very outgoing person, I have the tendency to just sit back and wait for him to talk to me. Then I get upset because he doesn’t. Sometimes I just need to go talk to him so I can make myself known. Thanks so much for your words of wisdom, Lauren!

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  3. I am so so so glad you posted this, today, at the perfect time! I have been stuck going around in circles with this guy I really like and we’ve been friends for a while but I finally told him I liked him and he sort of said he reciprocated the feelings but didn’t quite do anything about it. And I feel like I’ve done pretty much all I could to let him take the lead but his words don’t line up with his actions. I think this is God’s way of telling me to let it go and that He has so much more in store for me. I’ll wait for my prince charming, I just have to get used to being a little more patient. God’s plan IS more wonderful than I can imagine!

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  4. indeed. Very well said lauren.! this is what makes us ladies understand our worth and our position in a relationship.. we women are diamonds that we must be the one pursued and we must just be open to guys who are boyfriend potential especially the Godly ones 🙂 ❤

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  5. Absolutely love this. Thank you for mentioning that we need to find our identities in Christ and make sure we’re trusting God the entire way. It’s one thing to say that you’re going to trust God, but it’s another thing entirely when you’re in a relationship with someone else. Giving it all to God is tough, but SO necessary. It’s made me realize that I haven’t been giving my relationship with my boyfriend completely to Christ. I now know exactly what I need to do. What an eye-opening article. Thanks, Lauren!

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  6. Great thoughts! As I’ve found myself in this situation and shared my feelings with my mom, she gave me similar advice 😉 It’s nice to see you share it as well! I tend to be very shy and a wallflower, so it takes some effort to develop a friendship and get to know others — at the very least, I know that I am gaining a special friend… and I’ll wait on God to show me the rest =)

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  7. Hello there, as a guy who is striving to be the type of man you write about I always find your words so encouraging. I wanted to share my experience on the issue to help shed some light on the topic of clueless guys. I’m pretty clueless when it comes to noticing signs that a girl likes me. In fact as far as I know, in my 26 years, I have never known of a girl who has liked me. I’m sure they have I just wasn’t aware of it. This problem is complicated by “the friend zone”. There are a few women I know that are worth pursuing but they have made it seem that they want to “just be friends” they haven’t told me this but they have shown me in their actions. If I feel like a girl has put me in the friend zone then That’s as far as it goes. Make sure if you like a guy you are being open with him because if he thinks you’ve “friend zoned” him chances are he won’t think of pursuing you.

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  8. It’s such a blessing reading your blog. We want your articles in your blog in one book! Pls write a book! 🙂 Continue to write more articles. May God bless you and keep you! 🙂

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