What Men really think about Modesty
Last week I asked for men to email me a paragraph outlining how they really feel about modesty. I was blown away by the responses. Usually, men are pretty quiet about this topic so we are left to only really assume how they feel. Well, today they are being heard. We dress first and foremost for the glory of God, but it’s also a breath of fresh air to know that there are men out there who appreciate what we do to dress modestly. There are many amazing responses, and I think you will be blown away as well. I know you all have eagerly awaited their answers so without further ado…
[Modesty] leads me to more easily protect myself from unintentionally lusting after the woman in question, which I value highly and appreciate. Additionally, it automatically leads me to respect her more in the sense that I assume she is a woman of substance rather than trying to gain edges in life from her looks. In Miami it’s also a breathe of fresh air as most girls try to reveal as much as they can get away with, so she would immediately draw positive attention from me as a byproduct of choosing modest attire. -Victor
Modesty has lost it’s translation in our generation. It’s not about covering up nor is it about “flaunt it if you got it.” It’s about respecting yourself. 1Corinthians 19-20 says: “Or do you not know that your bodies are the Temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought at a great price. Glorify and carry God in your body.” Modesty is sexy! Our bodies isn’t for everyone’s eyes to see, because our bodies are sacred temples. Women, and men alike must embrace ourselves and dress accordingly. -Michael
A woman I’m attracted to dressed modestly intrigues me much more. I can see she believes she has more to offer than looks and I want to know what that is! I can engage her without a constant battle inside of me not to lust. I can see she doesn’t feel the need to prove anything and suspect she respects me enough to not encourage that battle. Modestly in a Jesus loving woman cannot be over emphasized. -Doug
As a single guy, I am constantly evaluating the young women around me, whether at church, school, or work. I constantly make inferences about them based on what they say and do, but most of all, I make these inferences based on how they say and do these things. At the heart of it, I am always trying to surmise what is most important to that young woman… what does she place the highest value upon? A lack of modesty tells me that she values attention very highly, that she has a deep-seated need that is going unmet. And modesty does not just refer to clothing… it is descriptive of behavior as well. I am looking for a woman who is fully secure and content in Jesus Christ, and has no need for me to fulfill her, because I know I cannot; modesty shows this to be true of her. -Andrew
I’m definitely “old fashioned” when it comes to how women dress, though I’m only 26. Whenever I see a woman dressed provocatively it makes me cringe. I think to myself “This woman is someone’s daughter/future wife and guys are going to be staring at her all night and thinking inappropriate thoughts.” I just feel like modesty is the best policy, and it’s how Jesus would want women to dress. -Jacob
I believe men and women should dress in a way that demands respect, dressing to be admired and not simply desired. What you wear shows what’s in your heart. I believe if you’re a Christian your clothing should draw attention to Jesus and not your curves/body parts. We should show the world an our children that beauty is a heart after God, not a naked body. -Tovares
God wants to look into the hearts of His daughters & see a reflection of Him—pure & innocent. Modest ladies recognize their bodies were originally created for holiness & strive to reflect the beautiful glory of God. Christ came to redeem God’s daughters for eternal beauty, which is far better & greater than a human eye could ever see. Long for lasting beauty–It’s so worth it. -Brian
Modest girls these days are hard to find, which makes the ones that are that much more attractive… to the right guys. The way someone dresses says a lot about a person and is often the first impression someone gets when meeting or seeing a person for the first time. Some girls dress immodestly and post immodest pictures on Facebook and Instagram to get attention, but it’s attention from the wrong people. I also think modesty applies to guys. Guys (especially Christian guys who want modest girls) shouldn’t be posting topless pictures on Instagram just because it is more socially acceptable for a guy to be topless in public. But that’s just it. It might socially acceptable, but it’s not acceptable for Christian men pursuing god. -Moh
When we recognize that the blood of Christ makes us pure, purity is how we adorn ourselves. Ladies, that is the prettiest dress you can ever wear. -Stephen
Modesty is the attitude of what you want to draw another person’s attention to. It has every bit as much to do with how you carry yourself as it has to do with how you clothe yourself. What attitude do your eyes wear? What attitude do your hands portray? Don’t kid yourself – you could be completely covered and still be immodest. Where immodesty draws attention to temptations, a modest person draws attention away from temptations to the valuable things of life that build another up. Beauty is not contrary to modesty; how that beauty is used in the service of others is where the focus should be. Check your heart – where do you want to draw another person’s attention to? You in all of your temporary human glory or God in all of his majestic glory? -Tony
Modesty is an incredibly rare (but still important) value – especially for a christian. It has become very rare that a girl would value God’s thoughts of her above boys’ thoughts of her. Obviously it’d be ignorant to say that guys haven’t played a part in this. It’s obvious if you go outside that a girl who is dressed scantily will get more looks from guys than a girl dressed modestly would. Modesty, however, for a man who is seeking after God, is one of the most attractive values in a girl. It shows that she treats herself as a child of God, not as a person to be observed by men. -Andrew
I think it is clear from the above Scriptures that women should validate the gospel with modesty. Not for the sake of keeping some rule of conduct, but in response to the gospel, women should seek to glorify their Father in Heaven, by modestly mirroring and reflecting the beauty of a sanctified princess, to serve their fellow brothers in the faith. -Ian
I think that modesty is one of the most important ways that women can respect both themselves, brother’s AND other sister’s in Christ, and other men and women in culture. Modesty helps men to see you for who you are and not just your outward appearance. Every man struggles with lust and women can either help or hinder them by how they dress. Modesty is most importantly biblical as read about in 1 Timothy 2:9-10! Modesty also does not just include the clothes you wear but the way you carry yourself. Just because God gave you a beautiful body doesn’t mean you can show it to everyone. Your body (just as with your virginity) should be saved and shown only to your husband. -Craig
I think that modesty really shows how girls/women are suppose to dress and act. For the benefit of her worth and the benefit of the boys/men not to look at the girls/women in anyway that would take that worth away. It’s very important to live godly among everyone and especially Jesus. I am sure Jesus would not want his bride walking around half dressed. Modesty also show that she is only wanting to show one man, her husband and to me that’s the best thing any man can ask for. Modesty is very important to any christian and non christian, and should be practiced all the time. So ladies keep dressing up and never ever dress down. 🙂 -Wyatt
I personally see it as a turn off if a girl feels like she has to parade herself around in skimpy clothing to get attention. It’s shortselling yourself as a person. I personally like girls who are confident in who they are as a person, and those kinds of girls don’t feel like they have to flaunt their bodies to have value. That kind of confidence comes from knowing were their true value comes from, Christ. That is extremely attractive to the right kind of guy. A heart towards God will shape how you carry yourself, and that’s whats most attractive to us. -Jarrod
As a college-age guy, I would totally rather pursue/date a girl who dressed modestly. I find that so attractive. I don’t know why, but there’s so much more to a modestly dressed girl than one who reveals too much skin. Modesty reveals so many things about a woman. It reveals her courage, her true beauty and her confidence; things that real, Godly men want, things that will make men respect her. -Jonathan
When I think about modesty, I think about the future. As much as I already love my future wife, whoever she is, I can’t stand the thought of other men looking lustfully at her. How, then, can I justify myself looking lustfully at other women? Women, your body is a gift, a gift God did indeed intend to be unwrapped by ONE MAN. Your future husband. Modesty is love for your future. Love God. Love yourself. Love your husband. If men’s compliments make you feel good, imagine how much BETTER compliments will be coming from a man who loves you and has patiently waited for you for years. If you can’t win without showing skin, the man is in sin, try again! -Ryan
Modesty is an attribute of the virtuous woman. And every man wants a virtuous woman. when a woman considers modesty in relation to her appearance, she doesn’t just command attention and a few stares. She commands respect and admiration. The way a woman dresses shows her values and her standards, it shows how much she values herself…modesty depicts worth. -Ezekiel
I feel like in order for women to respect themselves and their bodies, they have to live a modest lifestyle. They have to love being modest because any man in his right mind should know what’s appropriate for women to wear, how they carry themselves, what they say and what isn’t. I personally prefer to associate myself with women who know what it means to be decent, especially out in public. -Rashaun
Every person has hormones and every guy notices when girls wears those short clothing items. I like to keep my eyes clean and off of impure things but when girls wear those immodest clothes it is really hard to do so. Does girls really want us guys to stare at there legs and butt? If you are wearing tight fitting clothes or short clothing and a you catch a guy staring at you don’t get mad at him because you chose to wear your clothing. Be modest and help us guys grow more closer to God. -Chris
I’ll often make a judgement on who a girl is by what she is dressed like. I know this is not right but simply put I don’t want to be with a girl that dresses for attention. I want to be with a girl that is aware of how her dress affects men and is sensitive to that by understanding it’s typically a man’s biggest weaknesses. -Jeremy
The most beautiful girls are the ones who dress modestly. Yea, there are really attractive girls who don’t dress modestly, but when you see a beautiful girl dressed modestly there’s something more about them. There’s this illuminating light that shines through them that’s more attractive than anything else, and it causes you to step up and be a man if you want to have a chance with her. -Brian
While boys undress God’s daughters with lust-filled eyes, the high call of modesty is lost within the ambiguity of compromise while honoring womanhood is given over to new waves of sexual expression. Yet God’s never changing standard remains: men-MEN!-honor women without a hint of sexual immorality (Eph5:3) and be a self-sacrificing covering for your wife as Christ is for His church (Eph5:25). Women, respect manhood by defeating the curse in Genesis to overrun man through manipulation. Modesty’s not an old set of dusty rules but rather a principle set forth by God Himself enabling the hearts of men to show themselves strong on behalf of their Godly sisters while endowing both genders with value. -Matthew
One definition I saw that caught my eye of the word modesty was “lack of vanity.” Most people relate it to how we dress or speak. I just wonder why most women would want to be so open with the way present themselves. The women I’ve seen like that get accepted by all kinds of guys. You look at how the relationship turned out, they are hurt and the man stole something from them very valuable that can’t be given back. Their dignity. To me, being modest is more attractive than a girl in a low cut tank and some booty shorts. -Preston
It’s difficult to ask a girl to be modest in this culture. We are a culture in which sex sells. Literally. But if sex appeal sells, why would you want to sell what God has already bought and redeemed? -Zach
As a follower of Christ and dying breed of gentleman, I think girls should be treated like princesses, but they can’t be treated that way if they dress like prostitutes. I believe in the old adage “modest is hottest.” Girls that pose half-naked and act like hookers are so unattractive. I think girls are much more beautiful when they’re covered up. Guys are visual creatures and if a girl is revealing everything, it’s hard to focus on what really defines her. If she’s modest, it helps us develop a deeper understanding of her and not just her appearance. Not to mention, it prevents us from falling into temptation. Modesty shows a lady has a price, and you really have to pursue her rather than just pick her up on whim. Most of all, modesty gives a girl a chance to become more like a Proverbs 31 woman and that’s gorgeous. -Seth
I have a confession: I struggle with modesty myself. Prior my car accident, I had a great workout routine. I was strong, I was attractive, I was… very prideful. I delighted in going shirtless. I mean, I worked hard for that! I wanted people to look and admire. Sure, I could not force someone to lust, but I could make it easy. I knowingly gave them something to look at, which violated God’s principles in Romans 14:13 and Galatians 5:13. In giving them occasion to lust, I became guilty with them. And God judged me for that in a painful way, yet commensurate with my violation. In my selfish pride, I wanted attention, but I failed to value their spiritual health and how my choices and actions affected them. If you value your brothers in Christ, please help us avoid temptation; do not offer us an easier path toward it. -Jonathan
If I had to give a definition it would be this… Modesty- Bringing which is in secret (the heart) to vision and putting what is in vision (the flesh) in secret. -Chris
Modesty is very essential to me having an attraction to a woman of God for a number of reasons: one, because I do not run after a woman just because she looks good on the outside. I know plenty of ladies who seemed flawless and very
sensual on the outside but have such disgusting foul hearts that are so repulsive. The second is because by being modest, she does not care what society says or what it pressures her to do. She has a godly standard that cannot be shaken because she loves to please her Heavenly Father with her lifestyle and actions. She values purity and will not put herself in a lustful image, subtly or blatantly, by any means because she realizes how powerful images can be in a man’s mind. Lastly, modesty shows me that she knows her value, especially to God. The woman that catches my eye is a woman after God’s own heart and loves to be in His presence. And through that relationship, God shows her how much she is worth so that she will not attempt to show her curves/body to people so that she can gain worth in people’s eyes, when she is so highly valued in God’s eyes. -Michael
Modesty is a matter of the heart. It communicates a heart radically changed by the gospel. When one recognizes “self” holds none of the cards and that Christ is everything, how could one turn to apparel – or the lack thereof – as a form of worth? Evidences of humility are what I love seeing from sisters-in-Christ around me. One can wear cute clothing that is not bland and has personality and still exemplify modesty because I know her heart and see her identity is in Jesus and not her apparel, which only enhances the beauty of one who loves Jesus. -Lane
When I see a woman that dresses modest it shows what her heart really is. By the way she dresses, she shows she believes she is worth more than what her body says about her. I really respect a woman who keeps her integrity where there so much sexual immorality. -Joel
I think its a breath of fresh air in this world where it seems no one knows the word even exists. I’m not big on girls who where just enough so they can’t get in trouble for being considered naked. When I see a girl who dresses modest, to me she is confident with herself and respects herself which is very attractive. From a guys perspective, it’s easier to talk to a girl who is modest and get to know who she is as a person rather than a girl who isn’t modest where to you have to fight through the distractions of her body. -Drew
I wish women knew that godly men care about seeing a woman who believes she is a crown jewel of God’s creation. Nothing is more attractive than beauty which flows from the heart. -Josh
As a guy, it’s always disturbed me how subversively male driven female identity is today in terms of appearance and modesty. Take Sports Illustrated for instance. Every year they produce the swimsuit edition, easily their most popular. Female models and sports celebrities are paraded solely for the enjoyment of men. What is the message the (male) editors of the magazine are saying? That the greatest possible thing women have to offer is not their intelligence, not their beliefs, but simply the size of their chests and complexion of their skin. Ladies, dress modestly to show the world that it is your soul and your mind that has immense power, and that you don’t have to fit some sex-crazed culturally driven standard in order to be successful, appealing, and independent. -Kent
I don’t want to be around an [immodest] girl because it’s like presenting yourself as a sexual object and difficult to take seriously. I want to get to know who a girl is, not what her body looks like. -Paul
Ladies, the truth is that men like seeing skin. Men enjoy seeing you flaunt “what you’ve got.” Your popularity may rise. Your “likes” and “shares” may even skyrocket the more pictures you post of yourself showing more of your self. With Christmas approaching think of how you present gifts to those you love. I know this example may not be applicable to some but I think most of you reading this plan on wrapping gifts. You conceal the gift and that somehow makes it more special. Your body is a gift that you can present to your husband. Keeping it “wrapped” might just make it more special to him and to you. Which is more valuable, that which is easily attained and seen or that which is rare and hidden? -Adam
Modesty just makes me more comfortable around girls. I don’t have to guard my thoughts or actions. I can truly respect the beauty of a woman when I’m not distracted by the natural man (carnal man). Guys are cursed with this we just have to learn how to control it. A woman doesn’t need to expose her body to be beautiful. -Christopher
To me modesty literally means everything to me. First off it shows me how much respect a girl has for herself and how mature they are. I have noticed that those that tend to dress more modestly are usually easier to carry conversations with. I used to have an issue with pornography, I no longer do but still when you see a girl who dresses immodestly you mind tends to wander then you spend all your time fighting that instead of enjoying the time with that person. -Parker
When a girl walks around immodest it only shows she wants attention. But I don’t just blame the girls. I feel as young men or boys we have to let girls know we aren’t interested in that because a lot of the reason girls wear that stuff is to get a guys attention. Because I mean it’s pretty weak when a girl only has her body to attract someone. -Hunter
My views on modesty have certainly evolved over the last 8+ years. My daughter was born in February of 2005 and since that time – especially the last few – modesty among young woman is something that I’ve noticed the lack of. As my daughter grows I’m more and more cognizant of just how immodest both young men and women are, not just concerning dress and appearance, but general behavior and the way we carry ourselves. I have three sons as well and I want them to treat young women in the same manner that I want young men to treat my daughter. -Kristoffer
To me modesty is something that is so rare nowadays people mistake it as being shy or sheltered. In my mind though that is what makes it so amazing when you find someone that isn’t following what the world is telling them is the way they should look or act. Modesty is a special quality. It shows a girl’s beauty from the inside out and we as men should value that. -Tim
I think it is a big sign of maturity when a girl decides to dress more modest. It makes me feel special that she is saving herself for me! I would love to have a girl who wears a one piece and is mature enough to say, “I don’t care if other girls make fun of me.” If a girl is modest she is displaying a development of spiritual maturity. I know God has someone special for me who has the same views of modesty as me. With these views, it helps me a ton to NOT fall into temptations. -Shawn
Modesty for me can be and is a deciding factor for if I am to pursue a woman. A woman I’ve never met who utilizes modesty tells me she is 1.) Quite possibly a Christian (since modesty is ancient folklore to the lost), 2.) pure-hearted, 3.) has respect for herself, 4.) confident, secure, and level headed. On the other hand, a woman I’ve never met who evidently lacks modesty tells me she is 1.) incredibly insecure about herself, 2.) emotionally unstable, 3.) craves and thrives off attention, and 4.) is quite possibly not a follower of Jesus, but a follower of the world. Plain and simple, I am a man of God. I love Jesus with all of my heart. I want a girl who loves Jesus just as much as I do. I am certain that modesty is a fruit of loving Jesus. -Mike
Modesty tells a lot about you to be honest. It reflects the way you respect, love, and honor yourself. A Godly Lady is Modest not because she is forced to but because she respects herself, loves herself and knows that God loves her more than any guy could, and honors her future husband. Modesty is so absent in the world today because women want to be loved and they crave attention they don’t have, didn’t get, or they’ve lost. Women have become nothing more than a thing or a play toy for guys, and have led so many astray because they want the attention and love.When women aren’t modest, they mark themselves as cheap…something that belongs in a thrift store or a dollar store, and it’s sad because they are worth more than diamonds and rubies. A godly guy should have to work hard to win her heart and keep it. Modesty shows the love you have for God and the fact that you know that he created you and he loves you and that you don’t need a man to call you beautiful because God already said it. -Erik
it has to come from a stand point of women viewing themselves as beautiful, precious, priceless gifts from God; with an incredible value that cannot be put into words. The price for their bodies (and souls) needs to be made, and kept, high (by them). Don’t ask a sinful being to value a priceless object given to them for free, they’ll (knowingly and unknowingly) drain it of any and all value they can find left in it. -Evan
How important is modesty to me? Modesty helps filter the way I see women. It guides me on a path of seeing you for more than just a sexual object. And let’s be honest, the world wants that to be our view. Look at movies, ads, commercials, etc.. Almost everything in our society is sold by sex. It’s bad enough the enemy is using these different avenues of media to persuade us, both men and women, and it would help so much if the temptation didn’t come from within the family; from women of God. So, how important is modesty to me? It’s as important as seeing you the way God sees you. Beautiful, whole, pure, and full of
I WILL NOT think about pursuing a woman that does not properly portray herself. The woman that a real christian man wants is one that IS MODEST. The woman I want is one that is so incredibly confident in what she has to offer outside of physical appearance that she has no problem putting on a couple extra layers. -Charlie
I really don’t think girls realize how visual men really are, and how quick our imagination can go wild when we see a girl scandalously dressed. When girls dress like that its like telling a guy soaked in gasoline its ok to play with matches. As men we have to guard our what our eyes see or it turns from a thought to a forest fire of lust if we don’t take it captive right away. Trust me girls, when you dress scandalously you don’t attract the guy who is going love you sacrificially like Jesus did and lead your future family. A modest girl will separate the godly men from the self-serving boys. The self-serving guy wont be around long, the godly man will pursue you as he knows your worth more than precious rubies! I know because I’m almost 33 still saving myself for my future modest wife who is worth far more than rubies to me. -Barry
2 words…. Modest=Hottest. -Daniel
As a male, I stand before Jesus every day for what images I allow to enter my mind. Every lady, and man for that matter, stands before Jesus every day in how they dress. Being modest can be solved for everyone if they personally answer the question, “Would I wear this in front of Jesus”? -Jason
Modesty shows character, in that the individual is not swayed by the trends or the opinions of others, which today is to lower one’s self to a mere attention-seeking-sex-object. Modesty shows that a person holds higher standards, and is mature, in that they place self-respect and decency first. -Mike
Simply put, I am way more attracted to the woman who carries herself with respect than the girl who seeks attention. The woman who catches my eye is the one so wrapped up in her goals, dreams, ambitions, and definitely in God that she doesn’t care about the attention of others. How does this relate to modesty? The modest woman will dress for what she has to DO that day while the attention seeking girl dresses for WHO sees HER that day. I want a woman that is going places and so doesn’t place value on who is watching her go there. That’s who I am attracted to. -Ken
Modesty is honestly one of the most attractive things in a girl too me. If she’s pursuing Christ full heartlessly and is modest, I’ll put a ring on her! Modesty is very attractive. -Andrew
I don’t doubt that really nothing needs to be added to these comments, but I wanted to mention a few things. I thought it was outstanding that almost every single comment made reference to modesty being associated with a woman’s worth. They said when we dressed immodestly, we not only made it difficult for them to interact with us, but also gave the impression that we lowered our value in their eyes. Cheapened our bodies and gave them away for practically free. One comment that really stuck out to me was that sex sure does sell in our culture, but we have been bought with a price. Why would we want to advertise, mark down, and sell so cheaply what our Savior has already redeemed?
The bottom line is really, yes, men are attracted to women’s bodies. Yes, you will get a lot of attention for dressing in an immodest manner, however, I never want my message to be confused with saying that we need to keep our bodies covered because men can not control themselves. They most certainly can. In this crazy sex-obsessed world, there are actually men who keep their minds clean and pure. In all reality, God says it can be done, and it can. Men of God fight a battle every day that we know little about. The least we can do is understand and be a help to them in this fight and not a hindrance. Men of God are looking for women of God who know their value is above rubies, and will teach their daughters the same principles.
I want to say a special thanks to all the men who took the time to write me their thoughts. I hope you have taken the time to read all of these comments, and pray about what these men have said in regards to the way you dress. I want to encourage you to pick some good girls around you to make a pact to help one another dress modestly together. Doing what’s right is not always easy, but when we choose modesty, it is always appreciated by the good godly men around us who want to value us like Christ has done.
I want to leave you with one more– my favorite response…..
An Open Letter To Ladies From A Broken, Jesus-Following Guy:
I am attracted to you. Tremendously. But I am broken, I have an enemy, and I live in a broken world. I cannot adequately express how incredibly difficult the battle for purity truly is. And now, images of barely-dressed women are in my News Feed. On Instagram. And they’re not ads. They’re my friends.
Ladies, I do not blame you for what happens in my mind. My thoughts are my thoughts, and I will answer for them one day. But I’m asking for your help. I’m asking you to make a sacrifice for your brothers in Christ who are honestly doing everything they can to win this battle for Jesus – and for you.
Please wear more. Over-correct. I never want to limit your expression of beauty, but I think there’s a different way to do it. As a man who follows Jesus, I will dedicate myself to making many sacrifices for you throughout my life. I’m asking you to make one for me. Are you willing to be a little less fashionable this season so I don’t have to see things only your husband should see? Are you willing to be out of step with women around you to help me keep in step with the Spirit?
Are you willing to selflessly place your desire to see me win this battle for purity above your desire to look more attractive?
I hope so. It honestly would mean the world to me. Because the truth is, we’re in this battle together. And each day I win, your hearts are more protected.
The responsibility is mine. But you can make this a lot easier.