Dear "Dear Future Husband",

This post puts so many things in perspective for girls. This is how a guy really feels when he is reading your #Dearfuturehusband posts. It is really eye opening to the damage being done by our obsession with marriage and our selfish habits. Let’s read and learn and commit to being women who understand what true love means– sacrifice, devotion, compromise, and giving… Enjoy this post by Jarrod Terry.

Dear “Dear Future Husband”,

I think we should see other people. I know this may come as a shock to you, but I can’t do this anymore. It’s not you, it’s me. I simply can’t handle the expectations you’ve put on me. I guess I’m not godly, cute, rich, or Pinteresty enough.  I tried to be all those things you not so subtly wanted. I got you the Tiffany ring, I cried as you came down the aisle, I put up with your constant cuddling even though I have trouble falling asleep with someone draped all over me and drooling on my neck, I got the dream house with the wrap around porch and walk in closet. I worked hard for those things, and yet it didn’t seem good enough. I go to bed when you go every night just like you asked, but my work has suffered because I can’t stay up when I need to. Our kids are dancers just like you requested, but they tell me how much they hate it. I feel you’re disappointed in me because I haven’t written you a letter every day of the year like Noah from the Notebook. I am only human. I can’t do this anymore because I realize now you don’t really love me. You love the idea of what you think I should be, but you don’t love me, and that is what hurts more than anything. I tried my hardest to be that man for you, to live up go your high standards and “requests”, but I think I’d spend my whole life failing to reach what you want in your head. I know you and many of your friends think it’s cute, but it really isn’t. It’s hard work living to please you, and I think that isn’t the real point of what our relationship is. I’m looking for someone who isn’t demanding, who isn’t expecting perfection, who realizes love is hard work and it’s done by two imperfect people, and who realizes that I’m not your savior or sole fulfillment in life. I’m just a guy. I’ve always been just a guy, and you make me feel less than adequate for being just a guy. So I’m leaving. I’m sorry it has to end this way. I’m looking for something less, and yet something more all at the same time. I’m looking for a girl, just a girl, someone who understands I’m not ever going to be perfect and doesn’t expect me to be. I’m looking for a girl who isn’t asking me to make her like whole, because she knows I can’t. I’m looking for a friend to share life with. I thought I was getting that with you, but you expected more, and I’m sorry I’m just a guy. Good luck with your future husband, whoever he is. I hope he makes all your dreams come true and makes your life complete.

Sincerely,

Me

 

_______________________________________

 

 {#DearFutureHusband}

 This is something I see a lot of not just in the female community as a whole, but in the Christian female community as well. I don’t understand how this trend started, but I see it becoming a dangerous thing as long as young and impressionable young girls are fed these falsehoods. Relationships are not built on what you feel you deserve, but instead on what you are willing to give up for the benefit of the other person. And that picture up there, as good as the intent may be, isn’t giving anything up; it’s demanding a man that doesn’t exist in the real world.

Unrealistic expectations can kill a relationship, and the issue I have with this whole #DearFutureHusband trend is that it somehow makes it cute to be demanding. Women are gifts to be treasured, but we (men) do not exist purely to fulfill your Disney dreams. Marriage (and by an extension, all relationships leading to marriage) is meant to help the other person be more like Christ, and you do that by putting their needs before yours. Coming up with a series of demands isn’t cute, it’s selfish. I’m finding phrases like these being posted all over the web:

  • “If you don’t cry when I come down the aisle, I’m turning around.”
  • “I want you to hire a photographer for the engagement.”
  • “If it doesn’t say Tiffany, I’m taking it back.”
  • “Our kids are going to be _____, like it or not.”
  • “I want my future monogram on my engagement ring.”
  • “Our house better have a wrap around porch.”
  • “I want this! (Insert picture of ridiculous house)
  • “I’m not going to bed alone. When I go you go, no questions asked.”
  • “I want to be your everything or nothing at all. No in-between.”
  • “Make sure my nails are done before you propose so the ring looks good. Also make it a surprise.”
  • “Buy me flowers every Monday like this old man on the subway (Insert picture from Pinterest)”
  • “Promise me you’ll never make me cry.”

This is only a sample of what I’m seeing, and it honestly depresses me.

The pattern I’ve noticed about most of these tweets, besides their completely unrealistic naivety? They contain the phrases, “I want”, “If you don’t” or command statements like “make”, “promise”, or “buy”. In English grammar, most command statements have an understood and unstated “You” proceeding the actual command. That “You” that is understood? It’s us men, which gives the impression that we are at your whim. Does this not seem a little selfish? (This isn’t just #DearFutureHusband, it’s a lot of girls attitudes in general. I see high school girls flooding social media with things like “I can’t believe my boyfriend doesn’t bring me flowers at work.” Seriously? That would only make me NOT want to bring you flowers. Back to our original topic). Marriage isn’t a fulfillment relationship; it’s commitment, and commitments take work. I feel like a lot of girls are into this trend without realizing what exactly they’re doing. As Lauren DeMoss wrote brilliantly in a post called The Idol of “I Do”, there seems to be this infatuation in the Christian female community with love and marriage that isn’t accurate. It’s the romantic equivalent of the “Montage Effect”. The Montage Effect is a result of the overabundance of 80’s movie montages and the effect it’s had on our psyches. We’ve bought into this idea that difficult things should be easier than they are. Training for the Olympics, advancing through the business world, renovating a beach house, or mastering dancing with Kevin Bacon can all be accomplished in a four minute montage, and the world simply doesn’t work that way. Romance in the movies is no different. 95% of all romance movies show the honeymoon phase of a relationship, but the credits roll before we get to see the every day grind of sacrificing your wants to care for another. Why is that? Because we like to see the illusion, and I feel these #DearFutureHusband tweets are an offshoot of that. I hate to break it to you, but most guys do not look like Ryan Gosling, risk death to get a date, run away in the middle a football game to get a girl, or rent out Tiffany & Co. and tell you to take your pick. This just isn’t how the real world works, and for some reason it’s becoming fashionable for women to expect or even demand these grand romantic gestures. Even CNN and our dear Mr. Gosling have said The Notebook puts unfair expectations on men. More often than not, #DearFutureHusband does the same thing. It’s gotten to the point that guys in HIGH SCHOOL are starting to feel pressured to go to lengths like this just to ask a girl to prom, or a “Promposal” as it is now being called. Does no one else see an issue with this?

We’re putting too much emphasis on being cute or grand without examining the underlining issue here, and that issue is that it is becoming a cultural thing for men to be expected to outdo every other man before him. This isn’t loving; it’s a gross form of entitlement. Real love isn’t what you see on The Bachelor, The Notebook, or Disney movies, and if we grow up thinking it is then we are setting ourselves up for a rude awakening. We think stuff and gestures are the hallmarks of love, and that sets everyone up for disappointment from the beginning. I would love to give my future wife a nice house, a beautiful ring, or anything else you gals put on your Pinterest wedding boards, but what if I can’t? What if I can only afford a small home and single diamond engagement ring? What if the best I could give isn’t the same that your friend’s husband lavishes on her? Would that change how you look at me? Will that be a deal breaker? If it is, then maybe you need to take a step back and evaluate what you think a relationship really is. If you’re thinking it’s all about you, then you’re missing the point entirely.

The sad thing is, I’ve heard women defend this. “It says in scripture a man should provide for his wife,” is something someone has actually said to me. News flash: “provide” does not mean “consume” on your end. “Providing” means giving you what you need to help you fulfill your ministry, not pander to you and what you think your lifestyle should be. If you think a relationship is all about what you can get out of it, maybe you should look for a sugar daddy instead of a husband. Just a thought.

Men are not innocent either. We also often put unrealistic expectations on what we think marriage will be. Go to talk to someone who’s been married for thirty years or more and ask them what marriage is like, and you’ll come away with your expectations grossly overestimated.

The point I’m trying to get at here is maybe we need to take a step back and look at love differently. Look at it in scripture, talk to older married Christians. Seek counsel from those who have lived it and don’t let trash like The Bachelor mold your romantic worldview. What Nicholas Sparks says about love strengthens book sales, not real world relationships. Love is a conscious decision to put your wants, needs, and desires second to someone else’s every day. And if you require a man meet a list of non-vital demands before you’re willing to do that, maybe you have love confused with something else.

This is a personal aside. Any ladies who read this, I mean this next statement with the utmost sincerity, and if this offends you, I’m sorry, but I feel it needs to be said: If your level of commitment to me is dependent on whether or not a Tiffany ring is on your finger or if I can give you a “dream kitchen”, then I don’t even want to bother with pursuing you. There are bigger things here to put your focus on than bragging about the size of a rock that really doesn’t matter at the end of the day to your friends.
About the Author:

Jarrod Terry is a music lover, book reader, Jesus follower, champion of useless knowledge, movie buff, sports fan, writer, blogger, and sometimes funny person. Learn more about him on his blog jarrodterry.blogspot.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jarrodterry

or email him at jarrodterry15@gmail.com!

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56 comments

  1. Wow. This is by far one of the best posts I have read (that I think single women desperately need to hear)! We’ve grown up with Disney telling us that marriage is riding off into a sunset and living in a perfect world with a Prince Charming (that doesn’t exist) and it puts really unfair expectations on all men. Thank you so much for sharing this (from a male perspective). It’s refreshing (and eye-opening) to know how men really feel about this whole “Dear Future Husband” deal.

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  2. I have seen all of this mentality played out in my own parent’s marriage. And after 28 years of marriage they are now in the process of getting a divorce. I could never imagine demanding such things from a man just so I can have the sort of perfect life I think I should have. It is disgraceful for a woman to act that way! Your future husband isn’t failing you because he can’t fulfil every little criteria you placed on him before you even met, you are failing him in expecting perfection from someone other than God. Ladies always say that they shouldn’t settle for less than they deserve. But guess what, men shouldn’t settle for a woman who thinks like this.

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  3. Just two days ago, I tweeted “#DearFutureHusband be prepared for me to, regularly, deep condition your hair”. I really enjoyed this post; it really showed some ladies themselves. Love is not based on receiving; it’s based on giving. Love is not based on materialistic values. Love is an action & we should demonstrate it proactively.
    Best wishes, love!

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  4. Loved LOVED this post ! its so important for us women to be loved and cared for – that sometimes we don’t think of our expectations or requests as demanding because we think we are always nice. this was a great reminder to be kind and to be realistic in our expectations. also a great reminder about what marriage and relationships should be – A partnership that takes work

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  5. What an incredible post.. As girls we are enfluenced to have such unreal expectations. What we really need to desire is a godly man who loves The Lord and then loves us and prays for us. All those other things really don’t matter in the end.

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  6. YES. this is what i’m talkin’ about! relationship and marriage are not perfect and peachy like the movies. it’s a conscious choice to love someone and point them toward Christ. this whole idea of prince charming and riding off into the sunset is misleading ladies into thinking they’re entitled to what they think they deserve. it sickens me to see girls my age, and even teens, who look to shows like the bachelor as a model of love. that is not love, ladies! my wish is for girls and women to stop glorifying their ideas of perfect love, and look to women like esther, abigail, or godly women in their own lives. i can’t even tell you how much i love this post. thank you for sharing!

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    • I remember being slightly “irritated” if Craig (my husband who is moving rapidly towards a divorce after 22 years of marriage and three children) bought French green beans home from the grocery store when I clearly requested (and even spelled it out on the list) the cut ones (shamefully, I would be even more than irritated if it was for a holiday side dish or to bring to a potluck). Now, I long for him to walk through the door with French cut green beans. I would eat them cold just to be with him and celebrate a husband who would go to the grocery store, maybe even giggle at the silliness of husbands who fail to understand that all green beans are not the same! It also goes without saying that most husbands clearly can’t tell white from ivory, cream or ecru, but again I would giggle as oppose to be critical because I have a whole new appreciation for the gift of marriage that I took for granted. I wish I could impart my paradigm shift to everyone who today has criticism where there should be great appreciation toward their imperfect spouse and a holy sense of accountability to Giver of the gift of a companion and lover in our lives.

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  7. Thank You so much!!! Im just a teenager but Im trying to be the difference…. you know this post just kik me on the face because all my entire life I have thought that guys need to be perfect and have all what I want but When I started reading this I started thinking how my dads had have a beutiful marriage and Its really all what you have said… i was blinded with this horrible lie… I want to even thank you for having what really guys think about girls!!!
    Really Thak You
    God Bless You

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  8. Woww I never heard of DearFutureHusband hashtags, but I’ve certainly heard the same attitude expressed. Soo sad!! True love is about so much more than what it does for me.. “The purpose of life is not to get married. The purpose of life is to serve God.” ‘If I can serve Him better single, then, God, keep me single. If I can serve God better married, I trust in His perfect timing.’

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  9. Holy crap. Thanks for saying all this with brutal honesty. I love it and I completely agree with it. I’ve been saying this for a while now. Disney and romantic fairy tales are ruining our cultures perception of love and marriage!

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  10. Great post. I also want to point out that this same mindset of over-the-top gestures puts pressure on us women too.

    If a guy performs a huge gesture for you, you are REQUIRED to date him. You can see this mindset all over these same internet-type posts: “How can you say no to that?” or “You’d have to be heartless not to love him!”

    Really? We are now defining a man by what he can do for you? Hmm…

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  11. Great article. Very honest, and there are a lot of women (young and old alike) that need to hear it. I will plead guilty to a couple of #dearfuturehusband posts; although, they were more like #dearfuturehusband You will have to be the bug killer in the family. I just can’t handle the crunch or #dearfuturehusband my family is crazy. please don’t let them scare you away 🙂

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  12. I love this post. I think it’s really easy for girls to slip into that demanding spirit, as it’s so prevalent in our culture today. I think it’s important for us to keep ourselves in check, and ensure we’re doing it all to God’s glory; and not causing the men in our lives to stumble. One thing though, I don’t think all #dearfuturehusband tweets are necessarily wrong. I’ve tweeted that hashtag before, with tweets such as “#dearfuturehusband I can’t wait to worship God with you <3" or "#dearfuturehusband I pray for you every night..I hope you're praying for me too <3" I don't think those tweets are wrong, however when we get into the ones such as the ones he listed in the post where we're demanding and requiring things that are above what any guy can really do; that's when it becomes wrong.

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  13. This post is awesome. My husband and I have been married for a year now. It’s been great, but marriage does show you where you are selfish! Marriage is so sweet when there is sacrificial love. Read 1 Cor 13. 🙂 I gave up all chick flicks a year before we were married so I could learn God’s standard and definition of true love cause I knew that the world’s standard wasn’t cutting it. I want to encourage y’all to keep praying for your future spouse, but to most importantly be content with you have today because there’s always going to be something you’re wanting if you remain discontent. Let Jesus fill you and satisfy you because even in marriage He must be your first Love. God bless everyone! Thanks again for this awesome post!!

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  14. Any woman with the demands you have listed mid post is not ready for marriage. Period.
    Men are not slaves. Your guy is not your personal slave. He’s going to be your life partner, best friend, confidante, etc.
    Treat him with dignity.

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  15. While we might blame Disney and chick flicks for a lot of this attitude, is it just possible that part of the demanding aspect of #dearfuturehusband is in response/retaliation to the shallow hook-up relationships that have permeated young adult culture? And even in Christian circles, I hear so many young women lamenting that guys don’t want to commit or at least not for many, many years.

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  16. Extraordinary post! Sadly, I have see young girls become adults and reject one good Christian young man after another because of a Christo-romanticized idea of marriage.

    First, some girls expect their mate to have the career and accumulations of her father. Second, they expect a level of spirituality in a young man that takes years, if ever, to accomplish (all the while being oblivious to the spiritual immaturity of their own personal demands).

    Had I one word to sum up this paradigm, I would call it sensationalism.

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  17. Truely amazing….this has changed my perspective a lot and has made me realize that I had unecessary expectations in some areas and has made me realize that my love for my other half is not about the things seen physically but instead on the love and compassion and meaning behind the small things given…so glad I read this…truely amazing!

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  18. Thank you! Yes, I’m a woman, yes I look for things in a guy, but respect, love and self-sacrifice is a two way street. In a relationship, asking ‘what can I do for him?’ is a better question than ‘what can he do for me?’. First of all, you can’t control what he does, but you CAN control what you do. And to all the scripture quoting women out there, remember St. Paul’s piece on love, you know, all about being patient, kind, etc etc…that means me and you, too.

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  19. Yikes! I didn’t know this was a trend but I am familiar with “the list” were girls and guys write down 150 characteristics they are looking for in their future spouse. THAT is intimidating… let alone putting it out there for all possible “futures” to see and run from.

    I had a list, I think it included eye and hair color. Oh Well, God knew better!

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  20. I agree wholeheartedly. I know you said guys can have the issue too, though less descriptively. I’d say women more commonly feel this pressure when reminded by men of our need to be Proverbs 31 women, or be the primary homemaker, regardless of the fact that we all have varying, specific dreams, strengths, and weaknesses. Immature women are more prone to trumpet “dear husband” stuff; immature Christian men are more likely to be sexist and quote how the wife should submit to her husband and women should stay silent in church, and that Adam came first — in order to exert superiority in a way that’s not in the least bit cherishy.

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  21. True some women are delusional.. but just as many men are just as delusional. I was talking to a brother the other day who wants a girl with a BS instead of a BA… (because she has to be a certain type of smart)..who is willing to stay home.. younger.. with thin thighs (because women with thin thighs tend to stay thin after pregnancy) on top of being godly…

    I also know the Christian guys who are like 25, balding, less than average job that will only talk to the hottest size4 Latina women..
    I hear this type of guy complaining about women being too picky the most.. I’m not saying this type of guy is bad because of the characteristics I listed,but rather he refuses to compromise on superficial things, but wants women to. AND THEY THINK THEIR EXPECTATIONS ARE NORMAL AND COMPLAIN WHEN THE BEST OF THE BEST WOMEN AREN’T INTERESTED.
    This attitude that I see all the time when I talk to single male acquaintances is what this article reminds me of.

    I wonder if this future husband stuff is a byproduct of girls attempting to live up to expectations of men.. “we have to be this? Well you have to be this. “… pardon any typos or bad auto corrects

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  22. One of a kind article. It’s an eye-opener. Thank you, sir, with all my heart. I was rebuked but I was as well enlightened. 🙂

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  23. I can say this was my b-day gift. Now I know what God was trying to tell me all this time with HIS silence. I wasn’t expecting a Tiffany ring (LOLZ what a ridiculous thing, I never heard about that, nor the flowers every monday

    I can imagine God’s face now, every time a girl comes up with this…

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  24. I am so thankful for this post. This trend has deeply troubled me, and it is so prevalent I have been reluctant to even attempt a relationship until I feel that I have financially arrived. Ladies, trust me when I say a man who genuinely wants to follow God already feels a HUGE responsibility to you, and that can be overwhelming at times – especially in this economy.

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  25. I really needed to read this! Twenty three and single in a Hispanic family is difficult. I have cousins whom are fifteen and in committed relationships, so I’m always thinking of how I already want to get married to that ideal future husband. I agree with everything said in this blog, but I do expect a little romance! Maybe nothing too ridiculous like The Notebook, but some romantic gesture would do. As for the ring? I could care less where he gets it from. I will always remember that one year my dad had no money to buy my mom an anniversary gift, and came home with a tootsie roll which made my mom very happy. That’s romance. That’s love. That’s a real marriage.

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  26. I get so frustrated when other girls are always creating ridiculous expectations and demands, putting all women in a negative light to men. Thank you so much for writing this post and sharing it, I hope all read it and learn from it!

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  27. This is great. I agree completely. I have found myself occasionally on pinterest actually trying to plan my own engagement. I had to stop myself. I realized that how it happens or where it happens or whether or not it is captured by a professional photographer, when it happens, it will be amazing no matter what way it is presented because the love of my life will be asking me. I don’t need an expensive ring or a grand proposal to say yes. Love is not about what you can get out of the relationship, but what you can give. Although I am guilty of posting things on my “Dream Future Home” board, the keyword is dream. I don’t need it to be happy. I only use it for inspiration for projects that I know I can do myself or maybe future husband can help me with. I certainly do not expect it though. Thank you for posting this though. It really helps to see what it is like from the guy’s point of view and I will certainly keep this in mind before I go ranting on all the things that I “need” aka want.

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  28. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart and top of my selfish mind thank you. As I single woman I have posted things such as what you mention and I hope my future husband will not be scared away. I mean it jokingly but maybe I need to take the say what I mean and mean what I say approach before posting. So once again, thank you.

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  29. Im not offended at all. I actually really appreciate getting this from a Guys perspective. Thank you. Reading the things on fulltimegirl has really been helping me. They all make me want to cry, in a good way, a revilation. I just started college, so my life is crazy. I really need this stuff right now.

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  30. Good Gandhi. I can’t believe I’m only just now reading this (of course, I was late to the full time girl party – that is to say I only just discovered this blog – yes, i live under a rock).

    Fantastic, Jarrod!

    I especially like how you addressed the entitlement mentality: “Relationships are not built on what you feel you deserve, but instead on what you are willing to give up for the benefit of the other person.”

    Frankly I HATE the words “I deserve.” Biblically speaking we all deserve death… and eternal torment. That’s what makes God’s grace so freaking wonderful! We get it IN SPITE of what we deserve.

    I want the ladies reading this to know they should wait for the right guy because a Loving Heavenly Father doesn’t want to see them settle for less than He wants to give them. That’s a far cry from settling for less than you deserve.

    Thank you, Lauren, for sharing this post. I’ll definitely be doing the same.

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  31. When I was in college, I was asked to write a list of what I wanted in a husband. But the best part: my mentor then had me think about what kind of woman the man I had described would want to marry. Was I in a place in my life where I would be ready to marry this “paragon of excellence” if he were to walk through the door tomorrow? It truly helped me to see there were certainly areas I needed to work on! And yes, it also helped me to be more realistic as I realized we both would be works in progress in Christ- no matter when we met.
    One of the best marriage books: Families Where Grace is in Place, followed by: Sacred Marriage. When we find our ultimate fulfillment in Christ, we no longer have to look to others or ourselves to fill that need. When we view marriage as a tool God uses to help us grow to be more like Him, we don’t focus on our partner’s imperfections, but rather our focus becomes how to align ourselves to God’s good and perfect plans.

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  32. Amen, I get just a little irritated with girls with that expectation. Imagination, expectation, jumping to conclusion, and any unrealistic mental scenario we gals place in our heads can take over. But I honestly think the stuff some girls do is ridiculous. I would respect them and fairytale are fantasy for a reason. Every girl gas come to that dream, but at some point they should really wake up. It hurts, but that is ok, because reality is opposite of fantasy for a reason. Anyways, God has his hands writing Jr story that has already been created long ago, so its is alrite in the end.

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  33. This article has truly enhanced my love for the people around me. To want to sacrifice for their happiness. Thank you for sharing and may God bless you and all your relationships.

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  34. Excellent!!! So true!! This culture is so full of selfishness, and anyone who goes into a relationship or marriage with the sole purpose of making themselves perpetually happy and magically “happily ever after” will be sadly disappointed.

    Of course I do think that it is sweet when some men *try* to do something special for their fiance with the proposal all on their own accord (even when the girls haven’t said anything about and don’t have Pinterest boards), just because they love the person and *want* to do that. But not every man has the kind of personality to think of “romantic” things as well as other men, so we girls need to not be imagining what our husbands will be like or create gigantic standards in our minds.

    One other thing is that I think (while I can’t speak for all girls), that there are a lot of us who have *tried* to use our single years to be better equipped for marriage relationships, not less prepared. In fact, since I was in my teens, I’ve observed the way some women boss their husbands around and I’ve thought, “Oh Lord, please don’t ever let me talk to my husband that way!” Or I’ve seen squeamish women push their sweaty husbands away if they try to give them a hug after a hot work day and say, “Yuck! You’re all sweaty! I don’t want my clothes to get all dirty!” Well, I’m not anti-cleanliness or something, but are people’s feelings really less important than a clean pair of clothes? That really broke my heart when I saw a woman do that to her husband, and I firmly purposed in my heart that I would *never ever* be like that when I’m married.

    So I think for myself and I’m sure lots of other girls, the years of being single will make us so very grateful when we do at last get married that we will probably be WAY more gracious and admiring and thankful to our husbands than the girls who have dated from a young age and take guy-girl relationships for granted.

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  35. Such a great post! Thanks for giving us a guy’s perspective on this! I have to admit that I do love hearing a good love story. However, I have realized that real life is much different than what you read in a book or see on tv or in movies. I would much rather my future husband to propose in my living room than in front of a large audience. I would much rather have a simple ring knowing that he gave it to me as a sign of his love and commitment than to have a fancy ring. However, I do feel that when a man loves you, he should want to be romantic. But that’s not where the importance should lie. This also brings to mind what Lauren was talking about in her post “Don’t Be A Nickel Out Here Lookin’ For A Dime”. We as women can’t expect something from men that we’re not willing to be ourselves, even though men and women are very different.

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  36. Yes, basically 90% of women out there nowadays do hold on on this unrealistic Disney-mentality. I’ve never met one that wasn’t like that, perhaps it’s my fault. I once had a relationship with a Manhattan beauty queen who treated my exactly like that. I was basically a parachute to her life. Stay away from this kind of people!

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  37. Brilliant just brilliant. I must confess that before I became serious about my Christianity I too was caught up in Disney world but thank God for Jesus! I surely will be sharing this post with my Youth on singles weekend next month because it says it all. I use to say ‘I’ want a good man and “I” this and that, but then God opened my eyes allowed me to start seeing myself and asking if I was a good woman and if I am ready to appreciate a good man so I started working on me from there on. I think we just all should stop and focus on being the right man/woman and stop with the demands. keep up the good work!

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  38. This absolutely broke my heart. We often read and hear the long litany of what women want and feel we deserve. But to see this beautiful response of how men feel and view these expectations is surreal. Thank you so much for taking the time and care to share this and for articulating what I often tell my mentees and clients so often. I will book mark this post and reference it periodically. Again, thank you for correcting some of the vain and entitled spouts we see all too often.

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  39. As a senior girl in high school still i can highly agree with everything you’ve said. The high expectations girls have for guys is not even meetable by them. The girls in high school want name brand stuff that cost lots of money. Guys in high school are saving for a car, college, bills, and other necessary stuff needed just for them. On a minimum wage for all this plus meeting girls wants. The only thing anyone should want from their partner is to get closer to God and BOTH help make their relationship just around God. Ive been waiting to see a blog on this. Thank you so much and i hope many girls realize all this.

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  40. Yes unrealistic demands can kill a relationship and I agree with what has been said, good post 🙂

    However aman that is TRULY aman of God wanting to please God and honour Gods word would not write a letteror walk out abruptly but would seek to restore his relationship FIRST before even considering that, he would be led by his spirit not his flesh and what HE WANTS so I partly disagree with some of this.

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