Being a girl is so weird. We are basically programmed to be in love with love. There is nothing wrong with love. Love is awesome! Love is great. But do we even understand what it is? Is it mushy facebook posts? Is it having someone to tell you that you are beautiful all the time? Is it dating? Is it marriage?
We hashtag #DearFutureHusband like it’s our job. We make boards on Pinterest with all our wedding plans. We jump at the chance to date someone and after the first date, we are designing a ring on tiffany.com. It is so easy for guys to play us and use the idea of marriage to their advantage because we are like hungry leeches waiting to suck the life out of any man we can get our hands on. Some women don’t even consider the prospect most of the time. Doesn’t matter who they are.. hey, if you are willing, we are ready.
What are we thinking??
We have set MARRIAGE up on a pedestal that, frankly, is above God. Sure, we want a “godly marriage” and a “godly home,” but do we want it more than we want God? If you are single right now, you have God. And guess what… He is enough. But for some reason, we don’t believe it, we get depressed and angry at Him for not providing us someone to send mushy texts to all day long.
Listen closely to what I am about to tell you. Write it down and put it in a place you will see it every day.
Your life does not begin on your wedding day. Your life begins the day you realize that Jesus is the reason you live it.
1. Well, the fact is, God doesn’t promise you a husband or a wife. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, that the unmarried have more time to care about the things of God. It just makes sense that married men or women have a spouse to care for and maybe children too. Single women and men can focus solely on being in service to God. Which he says is GREAT! He says, [im paraphrasing here] “If you’re married, great! Don’t be wishing you were single. If you’re single, awesome! Don’t be wishing you are married!”
Paul explains that singleness is not a curse to be “forever alone.” It is an incredible and exceptional privilege to be able to focus on ministering to others and seeking the kingdom. The gospel says you do not NEED anyone but God to complete you, and while marriage is a picture of Jesus Christ and His bride, singleness also portrays the gospel powerfully in that the Christian’s ultimate identity is in Christ alone.
2. Marriage isn’t all fun and games and love and wonderment and laughter and happily ever after. I’m sure it is a great blessing from God when it is done right, but marriage is hard work. Marriage is something you sacrifice for, grow into, and build together. If you get married for the sake of getting married or for trivial reasons, you are more likely to get divorced for those trivial reasons. I don’t want to find someone to marry. I don’t want to find someone who is just willing to put up with me forever. I am holding out for someone with a purpose because I have a purpose, and I know that when we get together, our purpose will be even greater. That is the plan of God–Not just to get married and have babies, but to further His kingdom with our individual purposes coming together to create an even greater mission.
Marriages that exist for no other purpose other than people’s happiness fall apart and happily ever after turns into a nightmare. People are saying their marriage vows for themselves… because they think the other person will makes them happy. Two takers seeking their own gain will end up making each other miserable. When you seek your own happiness, when you seek your own pleasure, instead of seeking the kingdom of God, these things are taken away from you instead of being added. God has promised to meet all your needs according to his plan, but only when you put HIM first, not your desire to be married.
Maybe instead of sitting around asking God and ourselves “WHO” we will marry, we should be asking “WHY” we want to be married in the first place. Is it because we are not content with and in God alone? Is it because everyone else is doing it and we don’t want to feel left out? Is is because we want another person to boost our self esteem every day?
Or is it because we have found and come to know someone who has a purpose in life, and their purpose is something you would like to be a part of? Do you have purpose together as a couple? Do you have a mission for the kingdom with this person? Could you be stronger together for Jesus Christ’s sake than you are apart?
These are the questions we need to be asking ourselves now while we are single. We need to STOP idolizing marriage. We need to be content where God has us, and work on cultivating and creating our own individual purpose instead of waiting around for someone other human to fill that empty part of our lives. If I had gotten married young, I may never have started this blog, and been able to have this incredible ministry God has allowed me to have. I am so thankful for it. What are you doing now while you can?
Get busy seeking the kingdom. Put God first, and He will not put you last. Remember that it is not your business to mind your business. It is your business to mind God’s business, and His to mind yours.
I’m not saying don’t look for a husband or wife. I’m not saying stop dating. I’m saying let this obsession with marriage go…. and we just may see revival. There are so many of us single Christians. Let’s join forces now and live for Christ, go on mission trips, and be busy doing things while we have the time and money to do so. Let us live holy lives for the sake of the gospel and for the sake of the world. Let’s be different so that we actually have something to offer the unsaved. People, God will take care of the rest. I promise, but more than that, HE promises..
…And I promise that He can always be trusted.