Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Philippians 2:3
This one’s for the good guys.
Guys are not the only ones who can be players.. who refuse to DTR [Define the Relationship] or tell someone when they are not planning on committing… hello?? Girls, we have a big problem with this too.
We complain about guys being players, when in many cases, girls are just as guilty. There are good guys out there who don’t play around with girls’ feelings, and yet, they can’t seem to find a good girl.
So what are some of the things that we girls do to play around with guys feelings?
#1 Leading them on.
Yes, there is a period of time where people do have to get to know each other first, and decide whether they would like to pursue a relationship with that person. Just because a girls seems to be interested and then decide that a guy is not for them, does not mean she is “leading you on.” However, girls, if you KNOW that you would never date a guy… Don’t keep flirting with him. Every girl likes attention, but we need to learn to be more secure in ourselves than to play around with a guy’s feelings just because we are bored or lonely. Staying “friends” with a guy who likes you without saying anything is often the same thing. It is really just an excuse to get romantic attention from a guy without any responsibility to commit. A guy who likes you doesn’t want to be “friends.” You need to keep your emotional need for attention in check, and spare the guy the anguish.
#2 Not speaking up when we skip out.
Girls, this is the hard part, but the most important! If you do not want to date a guy that likes you and is pursuing you (and you KNOW when that is the case), then you need to speak up. Believe me, the guy has felt rejection once or twice in his life, and he can take it. Guys deal with rejection a whole lot better than girls do. Not saying something
because you “don’t want to hurt his feelings” is just selfishness. You either want to keep talking to him for just the attention or you are too cowardly to say it. In the dating scene, it happens! Guys know this. The mean thing would be to not say anything and leave the guy wondering what in the world is going on.
Girls, it is not being mean. It is called being real.
It is actually the kind thing to do! You can’t just stop returning his phone calls and texts without saying anything. That is just immature and mean. If he is pursuing you, at least have the decency to say, “Hey, I’m not interested in having a romantic relationship with you.” It’s not that difficult, and it is the mature thing to do. Believe me, he will be fine. He will get over it. Nobody wants to be left guessing all the time. We need to man up in this area. It is so much more respectful to say “no” in a nice way.
#3 Not making a decision.
We do not like it when guys take forever to define the relationship, and/or make a commitment. So why do we think it is ok to drag the guy along in our journey of indecisiveness? I am a believer in making the guy work for getting a keeping a relationship, and that stage is fun- the “chase” is fun. However, at some point you have to let yourself be caught. You have got to turn around and make a serious decision. If you have to think about it that long and that hard…. then just say “No.” Everyone should be dating someone they are crazy about. If you aren’t crazy about him, speak up and let him know. If you like the guy, you have to let him know that too. If you don’t let yourself be caught, he will eventually give up, and move on to someone else…. and rightfully so.
Guys are not the only ones who play games with people’s hearts, and good guys are paying the price. It is not only mature, but respectable to speak up and let a guy know how you feel if you are not interested. It is just the kind thing to do. Be real. You won.t have anything to regret. Trust me, you will feel better too!
This is about doing the right thing. It’s about treating other people with respect, how God would have us treat our brothers in Christ. It’s time for grown up relationships. Skip the drama. Nobody likes it, and bottom line is good guys deserve to be treated better too.