Ladies, Man Up.

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Philippians 2:3

This one’s for the good guys.

Guys are not the only ones who can be players.. who refuse to DTR [Define the Relationship] or tell someone when they are not planning on committing… hello?? Girls, we have a big problem with this too.

We complain about guys being players, when in many cases, girls are just as guilty. There are good guys out there who don’t play around with girls’ feelings, and yet, they can’t seem to find a good girl.

So what are some of the things that we girls do to play around with guys feelings?

#1 Leading them on.

Yes, there is a period of time where people do have to get to know each other first, and decide whether they would like to pursue a relationship with that person. Just because a girls seems to be interested and then decide that a guy is not for them, does not mean she is “leading you on.” However, girls, if you KNOW that you would never date a guy… Don’t keep flirting with him. Every girl likes attention, but we need to learn to be more secure in ourselves than to play around with a guy’s feelings just because we are bored or lonely. Staying “friends” with a guy who likes you without saying anything is often the same thing. It is really just an excuse to get romantic attention from a guy without any responsibility to commit. A guy who likes you doesn’t want to be “friends.” You need to keep your emotional need for attention in check, and spare the guy the anguish.

#2 Not speaking up when we skip out.

Girls, this is the hard part, but the most important! If you do not want to date a guy that likes you and is pursuing you (and you KNOW when that is the case), then you need to speak up. Believe me, the guy has felt rejection once or twice in his life, and he can take it. Guys deal with rejection a whole lot better than girls do. Not saying something

because you “don’t want to hurt his feelings” is just selfishness. You either want to keep talking to him for just the attention or you are too cowardly to say it. In the dating scene, it happens! Guys know this. The mean thing would be to not say anything and leave the guy wondering what in the world is going on.

Girls, it is not being mean. It is called being real.

It is actually the kind thing to do! You can’t just stop returning his phone calls and texts without saying anything. That is just immature and mean. If he is pursuing you, at least have the decency to say, “Hey, I’m not interested in having a romantic relationship with you.” It’s not that difficult, and it is the mature thing to do. Believe me, he will be fine. He will get over it. Nobody wants to be left guessing all the time. We need to man up in this area. It is so much more respectful to say “no” in a nice way.

#3 Not making a decision.

We do not like it when guys take forever to define the relationship, and/or make a commitment. So why do we think it is ok to drag the guy along in our journey of indecisiveness? I am a believer in making the guy work for getting a keeping a relationship, and that stage is fun- the “chase” is fun. However, at some point you have to let yourself be caught. You have got to turn around and make a serious decision. If you have to think about it that long and that hard…. then just say “No.” Everyone should be dating someone they are crazy about. If you aren’t crazy about him, speak up and let him know. If you like the guy, you have to let him know that too. If you don’t let yourself be caught, he will eventually give up, and move on to someone else…. and rightfully so.

Guys are not the only ones who play games with people’s hearts, and good guys are paying the price. It is not only mature, but respectable to speak up and let a guy know how you feel if you are not interested. It is just the kind thing to do. Be real. You won.t have anything to regret. Trust me, you will feel better too!

This is about doing the right thing. It’s about treating other people with respect, how God would have us treat our brothers in Christ. It’s time for grown up relationships. Skip the drama. Nobody likes it, and bottom line is good guys deserve to be treated better too.

 

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13 comments

  1. Amen! No joke. Talk about fitting, not on the player part, but for helping me confirm that I’m doing the right thing.

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  2. If you could only see the smile on my face. This means a lot to hear a girl say this. I love the chase but I hated it when she left me looking for her in dark alone. Thanks Amy. Didn’t know you blogged. I’ll subscribe to you!

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  3. This is so true and very convicting!
    Girls are definitely guilty of playing games. Sincere question though: what if a guy friend likes me and I eventually let him know that I don’t feel the same way. Is it okay for us to continue our friendship, even knowing that he has feelings I won’t ever return? It feels like a shame to end the friendship over something like that, but I don’t want to drag him along either.

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    • Ah that’s so hard! I have gone through this too. It is so hard to have to give up on someone you care about. Try to give him space and time apart from you. Make a clean break if there is really nothing there for you. Tell him, “we will never be anything more than friends.” Don’t give him hope so that he won’t keep holding on. He may need to separate from you for a while, but it is for his best. Don’t text him or call him. Eventually, I think you will be able to be friends again, but I think a break for a while is best. Wish you the best!

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  4. wow is alli can say…im struggling (i WAS) with how to handle the very situation you described….i HATE being “mean” to someone but i also hate appearring to “lead on” because i dont have the guts to be honest and truthful. i needed this so much!!!!! thanks so much!

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  5. Thank you posting this. Good encouragement. I have been led on several times from girls and it sucks. I will never lead a girl on. I am trying to find the girl that will like me for me and that we can spend our life together. I have gotten told countless times by girls that I’m “too nice” or “I’m just a good friend”. I hate that feeling. But I am praying God sends a girl for me on his time.

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  6. Great stuff Lauren. This is something that women need to hear from another woman. And ladies, from a man who’s been around a bit, guys are very literal. We will take your exact words literally. This is what guys mean when they say we can’t read your mind. We know exactly what you say, not what’s going on behind those pretty eyes of yours. 🙂

    The statement “I’m not looking to date right now” is not the same thing as “I don’t want to date you.” The first makes him think, OK, she said “right now” and didn’t say anything about ME so I might have a chance later… because that’s exactly what you said.

    Like Lauren said, if you know you don’t want to date him, tell him clearly and charitably. Something like, “You’re a really nice guy, but I just don’t want to have that kind of relationship with you” is exactly what we need to hear. That is far more compassionate than making us think there’s still hope when there’s not. If we like you a lot we’ll be sad and maybe mope around for a bit, but we’ll get over it and we’ll respect you all the more for being truthful and gentle with us.

    Thanks again Lauren. Keep em comin’!

    -A Connecticut refugee in Texas

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  7. Being a guy, #2 is definitely true. If you don’t want to talk to us or date us, just say so. There’s nothing more annoying than texting/calling a girl for a couple of days or weeks and then having it stop all of the sudden for no reason and get ignored. I would definitely rather have a girl just be honest. I’ll get over it. Trust me.

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  8. This article’s message hits the nail on the head; it says that males don’t have a lock on bad behavior, and females don’t have a lock on good behavior.

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