The Not-So-Perfect Proverbs 31 Woman

The general assumption about the Proverbs 31 Woman is that she’s perfect. I used to think that her perfection was the reason that God decided to mention her in the Bible, but I couldn’t have been more wrong…

Like so many women, I had a “Proverbs 31 Phobia”. I dreaded studying the chapter of the Virtuous Wife out of fear. Fear that I would never be able to measure up to her. Fear that my faults would start showing through the cracks, and that God would never see me as a virtuous woman. I thought that I had to be “perfect” – something I knew I could never be. It was one evening during my Bible study time that God spoke to me and said, “Just read it. For real this time”. I had been avoiding that portion of scripture, and God wanted me to study it. Clearly, He had an awesome truth to share with me. Then, for the first time, I started seeing the Proverbs 31 Woman in a different light.

What makes this nameless, yet famous woman so significant, is not the fact that she knows how to cook, clean, have babies and stay at home while taking care of her family. It’s not the fact that she has great wisdom and business sense. It’s not because she’s an all-rounder. Of course, that’s great and valuable for any godly woman, but it’s her fear of the Lord that makes her a woman of virtue – that’s it. Her perfection doesn’t stem from her impeccable homemaking skills, but from her heart. Her perfection is not her own, it belongs to the One who owns her soul. The only reason why the Proverbs 31 Woman can be perceived as “perfect” is because she is a product of the God who lives within her. The only thing that’s perfect about her, is Him.

She doesn’t place her hope in her husband, her family or her looks, but in God.

Because of her fear of the Lord, she is able to be all that she is. You see, the Proverbs 31 Woman is the ideal example of a godly woman, not because she’s perfect, but because all that she does is a result of her relationship with her Saviour. She’s an example to every woman who wishes to please the Lord because she fears Him first and foremost, and every other area of her life flourishes because of it. That is something that doesn’t just apply to married women, but to every woman. Just like us, the Proverbs 31 Woman goes through many seasons in her life that needs His grace and guidance.

The Proverbs 31 Woman is no different from the type of woman that is described in 1 Peter 3. In fact, she is just a complete personification of the kind of godly woman described throughout the Bible. Much like a summary. If we read Proverbs 31 v 1-9, we will see that the words mentioned are by king Lemuel; a reiteration of what his mother told him when he was a child. Indeed, his mother understood what God expected from women. She understood what it means to be a woman after God’s own heart. If anything, the Proverbs 31 Woman should be an encouragement to women to pursue a closer, more intimate relationship with Jesus – not pressure us to be “perfect”.

In ancient times, Proverbs 31 v 10-31 was a popular rhyme taught to young boys by their mothers to help them find “ideal” wives. In short, their mothers taught them to look for wives who aim to please the Lord, and who don’t live for beauty, charm and vanity which all fade with time. They understood that a woman who “fears the Lord” will live in a way that is more beneficial and that will satisfy God. Much like that which Paul describes as being “pleasing in God’s sight” in 1 Peter 3 v 3-5. He calls it cultivating “inner beauty” – something that we can only receive from the God who IS beauty.

So, I have learned that all I need to do in order to be a Proverbs 31 Woman, is put God first and focus on my relationship with Him. He desires to have our complete devotion, He wants to be our first love – and that, dear virtuous young woman, is what He deserves. It’s His blood that was shed for our sins and the high price of His sinless life (1 Cor. 6 v 20) that makes us “worth far more than rubies” (Pro. 31 v 10). It has nothing to do with our deeds or what we do for Him (Eph. 2 v 8).

Rest assured, we don’t need to be perfect to please God, we just have to desire to please Him and act on that desire.

-Danelle Vingtas

About the author:
Danelle Vingtas founded Proverbs 31 Sisterhood in 2012 . She is determined to show the love of Jesus to the young women of this generation and to help them realize that they are loved unconditionally, no matter what. As a young woman herself, she has experienced the internal struggle that is faced by today’s youth.
The influence of the media drives many young women to believe that they are not good enough, pretty enough or skinny enough. Before finding Jesus in 2010, Danelle was one of the young girls that she now hopes to reach out to. This was mainly caused by the fact that she did not know that there is a God who created her fearfully, wonderfully, purposefully and beautifully. After accepting Him as her Lord and Saviour, she began to realise how precious she actually is – despite the constant contradicting message from the media and the world. It is this precise message that she wants to spread.
She believes that knowing your worth in Christ is not only the door to a better self-image and future, but more importantly…a better eternity. Through Proverbs 31 Sisterhood, she hopes to re-establish the standard on which this exact scripture is based and to influence young women to be virtuous.
Dignity, purity, humility, self-respect, integrity, godliness and modesty are the values that Proverbs 31 Sisterhood promotes.
Visit their Website, Facebook page, or follow them on Twitter.


  1. I love this post! Beautiful! I am strive daily to be the Proverbs 31 Woman but I what I have learned from this piece is that I must strive daily to have a closer relationship with God and that’s how I become her. To God Be The Glory!


  2. This is an amazing post. I have learned not to strive to be perfect but strive more to have a closer relationship with God.


  3. lovely! Thank you and bless you both. As you seek Him, may you continue to experience more and more of Him 🙂


  4. Thank you for this reminder. I was reminded earlier today to trust God with everything but I needed to hear this and you did a great job of conveying it. Appreciated.


  5. Striving each day to live as God intends & to work at maintaining my relationship with the Lord.
    ” Her perfection doesn’t stem from her impeccable homemaking skills, but from her heart. Her perfection is not her own, it belongs to the One who owns her soul. The only reason why the Proverbs 31 Woman can be perceived as “perfect” is because she is a product of the God who lives within her. The only thing that’s perfect about her, is Him.”


  6. I love everything about this post! It’s Beautiful! I am striveing daily to be the Proverbs 31 Woman but what I have learned from this piece is that I must strive daily to have a closer relationship with God.


  7. Amazing job of finding and conveying the precious Jewel of The Proverbs 31 Woman- it’s to be in Love with our Creator and Redeemer- To be in fearful awe of Him. I see in your study and your picture the light of Life. I am trying to get more of a handle on studying “The Fear of The Lord is the beginning of Wisdom”. David prayed Teach me your ways oh Lord and let me walk in your truth- Give me an undivided heart that -I might Fear your name. I want and need that 🙂
    I love what you stand for as a light to your younger generation, I am a bit older than you:) God has his loving hand on you, sweet young lady!


  8. Amazing! I never had a Christian upbringing or a proper mother figure growing up so I never thought I could become like the Proverbs 31 woman or be good enough ! Thank God He gives us a way through loving & fearing Him & that He loves us not for what we do but for who we are. Bless you for posting this xx


  9. Thank you for this beautifully written message about the Prov 31 Woman. I first heard this term this weekend at my Aunt’s funeral. While she embodied many of the qualities and skills listed in this biblical text; it is her faithfulness that truly defined her as such. Thank you for providing that insight. Praying your continued success!


  10. Thank you for publishing this. My husband kept mentioning the Proverbs 31 wife
    and woman to me. To be honest, my reaction was wanting to stay away from
    it. I guess I felt like I never would measure up. I also saw it as something more of
    the Old Covenant and now in the New Covenant we have Jesus inside. I saw it as being much more important concentrating on our relationship with Jesus and what He did for us in the New Creation than outer things. However tonight I went to study and read it. I like your take on it that it’s more about our relationship and love with Jesus, He is the one who makes us Proverbs 31 women, rather than just a list of outward works, important though they are. I see I actually now am a Proberbs 31 woman because I love and pursue Jesus, and don’t feel so defensive or turned off when my husband mentions the psalm to me. Thank you. I also do see the importance of taking care of our husband and family and seeing the work we do as important, even though it may not seem important to the world. Thanks.


  11. I started studying the Proverbs 31 woman and like you at first I was intimidated by her but I decided to read it through anyways. But I got the wrong idea and started making a list of the rules that would need to apply to become her and then I stumbled upon your post and read it. GOD opened my eyes and reminded me that its not rules its a relationship with Him and that’s why she is to be praised. Because we read in Ecclesiastes that all is meaningless without GOD. Just the works themselves are not good enough because we are not good enough. Works are just a fruit of faith they are an out pouring and sign of what has happened on the inside. So all I need to do is what I been doing and that is continue my relationship with GOD, trust Him, lean on Him, fear Him, worship Him and study His Word. Thank you for being obedient to GOD and taking the time to do this or if I hadn’t read this I probably would have gone into burn out trying to juggle everything at once in effort to be the Proverbs 31 woman. GOD bless you.


  12. I love your perspective on this. I have recently been searching for what it really means to be a proverbs 31 woman. You nailed it!


  13. Thank you for this post. I am teaching my middle school boys the passion us men should have in finding a Godly woman. This post will help me in teaching them the things of the world in what deems the best wife is not what us men should be looking for.


  14. Thank you for such a beautiful piece! May the Lord continually increase your wisdom on these and other matters.


  15. I found this while looking for the passage to put notes in the graduation notes for some young ladies I love. Thanks so much. It is exactly what I wanted to express to them.


  16. My Sister in Christ, I have been extremely moved by your message on the virtuous woman. I am currently attending a Women Bible Study, part II, and need to complete a project at the end of the session. I am respectfully requesting your permission to quote portions of your passage in my presentation. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and more importantly, being open and expressive. Many women are unable to do that on their own, but the Holy Spirit guides and directs us always.



  17. I was asked to read Proverbs 31 because of an issue that I was dealing with and read it prayerfully. My first instinct was to pick up my bible and read, then, I now believe, led by the Holy Spirit, I decided to read it online. I read it from a few different translations and still I went through the motion because I know I could not live up to this woman’s standards. I was convinced that a Proverbs 31 woman no longer exists. But as i continued to scroll, I came across your article, after reading it, I said this must have been written for me because it was speaking to my situation. I thank God and I thank you for helping me to see it so differently now. I was blind but now I see. Now I can move to another level in my life, thanks be to God.


  18. i think many people me included struggle with perfection
    yet perfection is found in Christ
    i love how you put it
    imperfect proverbs 31


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