Breaking Up is Hard to Do.

So you broke up. The person you loved took a good look at you and all you had to offer, looked you in the eye, and said, “I’ll try my luck elsewhere.” It has become glaringly clear that this was not the match made in heaven that you once thought it was. For whatever reason whoever they were decided you were not worth it anymore.

What now? Well, here are a couple things you need to know.

1. It hurts.

I know it hurts. It’s gonna hurt… And guess what- That’s ok. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to be hurt. You invested your time, your emotions,  yourself in that person, and they walked away. You’re gonna cry. Because it mattered. If it didn’t matter, if you were some cold, heartless ice queen, it wouldn’t hurt. But, you aren’t. You are kind and caring and loving and giving and it mattered. You’ll ask yourself every question you can think of, what, why, how come? And the more you talk yourself out of being hurt the more real the pain becomes. Well, I’m telling you that it’s okay. Accept the fact that you care. Accept the fact that this does hurt- it physically and emotionally hurts. Because once you tell yourself its ok to be hurt, you can then help yourself begin to heal.

2. You rock.

You’re anything but confident at the moment, but there are a few things you should know. You are beautiful. You have so much to offer. You have infinite worth. Just because that one person out of 7 billion failed miserably at seeing it doesn’t mean it is not true. You are lovely, my darling, and you have to be brave enough to really believe this. You have people around you that love you. Love them back. Open your eyes and your arms and embrace all that God has given to you. Because one day you are going to look back and embrace this too. This is your journey. This is God directing your path if that is what your heart wants. You deserve to be with someone who digs you. Every little thing about you. If anyone doesn’t dig you, you need to move on. You have an obligation to rock in your life. You must rock..because there is someone out there who is looking for exactly the stuff that you are made of.

3. God has better in store for you.

Cliche, I get it, but the first step in finding something better out there is first believing that there is, in fact, something better out there. God is pretty cool. He made your heart, your mind, your personality. He made it all. I’m pretty sure he can make someone else who digs it. I am pretty sure that the God of the universe can find someone who won’t walk away. Because if this guy was God’s plan, he wouldn’t have passed you by. You trusted God with your salvation, and your life, and hopefully your relationship, and God chose a different path for you. He is in charge and no one else can mess up God’s plan for your life. This broken relationship is not going to be mended by sitting around asking questions forever. You have to leave the pieces on the floor, and move on with your life. Soon, the man of God will walk into your life. You won’t be wondering and guessing about the timing or his feelings. You won’t be waiting around for a phone call. You won’t be ruining your life running in circles trying to figure it all out. You won’t be feeling like ignored or rejected. You will be too busy being adored. He is coming. Wait for it.

Stop checking your ex’s facebook page, or twitter, or instagram. Stop asking all his friends about him. A break up should be just that- a BREAK. Think about your future no-name husband and all his spiritual strength and godly, sweet heart and think, “What are the things that I can do today that he would be proud of?” Pining over a guy who leaves us because he didn’t see your worth-and it’s easy to do, girls- is not something that he would be proud of. I know it’s easier said than done this moving on process, but just think back to your other little heart breaks when you thought, “Wow, I don’t think God can pull me through.” But He did! And He will again. You just have to turn over the broken pieces of your precious heart to His healing Hands. Give it all to Him…. He has is all figured out already.

4. Hello… You have work to do.

So that guy was not the one, and you haven’t met the one yet. While you are daydreaming about the wonderful mystery of your future, don’t forget about your purpose. This may come as a surprise but the grand purpose of your life is not just to get married.

You see, I have come to the realization that if I could serve God better and bring Him more glory married, then, I would be married right now at this very moment. So even though sometimes I don’t like to admit it, God knows better than I do. I could try to convince Him otherwise all I want, but He knows the perfect timing for everything in our lives. If we are living to serve Him, then He will take care of it! Right now, you have a job to do. A job that could not be done if you were married. A job that will bring God the MOST glory if you do it now, while you are single.

Figure out what you are supposed to be doing, and get busy doing it!

Get busy working toward things that really matter. Seek the kingdom FIRST, because even marriage is a temporary state that will eventually give way to the beautiful reality of what the picture points to- our relationship with Jesus Christ. He is enough, anyways. No one will truly complete you except Him.

5. Trust God.

Basically, you know what you have to do. Trust your Heavenly Father. You WANT His will. He is going to lead you into it, and He is not going to let you make a decision that isn’t a part of it. He is not going to let you marry someone who doesn’t see you true value- and he obviously doesn’t if he let you go. God is too good for that and He loves us too much.

And He knows. He knows that you long for companionship so badly that it hurts. He knows exactly what you need, and if you let Him and if you love Him, He can work all things together for your good and His glory. Dig into the word and claim every singe promise you find! You have to trust His plan, and know that He is writing a story so magnificent it would make Nicholas Sparks swoon.

Chin up, beautiful. There are brighter days ahead.

*****

Dear beautiful girl,

I know, My daughter, I know. That thing you wanted is not going to happen. Not the way you’ve always dreamed. I know this hurts. I know this stings. I know you feel like I am distant or not aware of where you are and who hurt you and what you think life was supposed to be like. I know this world is hard on you. I know that you are hard on yourself. I know that you struggle to believe that I have created you in the most loving and delicate way possible. You are exactly how I wanted you. Made in My image and designed for My purpose. I know that others in the past have made you doubt that you are worthy of love, but that ends today. I AM your Father, the King of kings, and have given you worth beyond that of the galaxies. I faced death to be with you, and no matter who sees it, no matter who knows, you and I know, you are My princess and you are worth loving. I know in moments like this you doubt that I can count the hairs on your head or have your best in mind. But please, I am not done. I have barely started to reveal your life to you. I am the God who satisfies your desires with good things. That is ME! And when it comes to your hopes and your fears and your dreams, I know.

Love, your Heavenly Father

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36 comments

  1. good read, as always! Thank you Lauren! Any advice for when you’re the one who broke it off? I knew it was the right thing to do because I wasn’t as “in to” the person as they were to me. Even though I ended it I still find myself missing the ex and his family. It’s frustrating and sad. In the end though I know it was for the best.

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  2. Very edifying blog post Lauren… Thought im a guy… it still edifies myself… I think you should write for both, women and men… God bless your calling and ministry.

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  3. I found your website from a post you put on Heather Lindsey’s instagram & it’s a blessing. This was an on time word & further confirmationt to trust God.

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  4. Dear Lauren. THANK YOU for sharing this.

    I went through a breakup almost two years ago that made me feel I was nothing.

    God graciously used that hurtful experience to shape, restore and renew my relationship with Him. As I read your post, tears ran down my face because I could see God leading me through an extra-painful situation to forever change me. It hurt. It was really slow. But He’s trustworthy.
    I’ve had to move on while having to see that person-and his new girl- every week. But you know what? I’ve felt God nearer. I have been able to trust Him with what He knows is best for me. And I can say I’m happy, joyful, and live for a God who cares immensely about me.

    So, maybe it would’ve been nice to read this post 2 years ago. But I’m glad I did it today, because I can attest this is true. God is faithful. Haven’t met the right guy yet, but I’m with The One already. 🙂

    Thanks, thanks for writing this.

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    • Wel i felt lyk u knew wt am going through,after reading ths ths i jst knw am answered.i love God so much nd every tym i wnt to c myslf getting there

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  5. And you have found what you are supposed to be doing, this is your God-given gift and you are amazing. Thanking God for you and the gift he gave you tonight, that was incredible Lauren thank you!

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  6. This was an amazing read and I really needed it. I had been struggling with a break up that happened a while ago because the guy I broke up with is still in my life, but this confirmed for me all the things I already knew but was too afraid to come to grips with: “I know, My daughter, I know. That thing you wanted is not going to happen. Not the way you’ve always dreamed. I know this hurts. I know this stings. I know you feel like I am distant or not aware of where you are and who hurt you and what you think life was supposed to be like. I know this world is hard on you. I know that you are hard on yourself. I know that you struggle to believe that I have created you in the most loving and delicate way possible. You are exactly how I wanted you. Made in My image and designed for My purpose.” …. It literally brought me to tears because it seemed to sum up, so perfectly, exactly what I had been feeling for so long. So thank you for this and may God bless you. I strive to live by His word and to continue to press forward. This was just the encouragement I needed. Now it’s back to my Word and back to a place I never should’ve left. ❤

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  7. Breakups are definitely hard to go through.. but, we just have to keep our eyes completely focused on His goodness and by His grace, thoughts of expanding His Kingdom. That’s all that matters. Needed this reminder! Praise God for this post.

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  8. Love it…Thanks so much wish i had seen this ages ago whenmy relationship ended, I wouldn’t have wasted 3 years getting over the guy.

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  9. This was exactly what I needed tonight. I’m it going through a break up but am struggling as to why I’ve been single for nearly two years now. This literally brought me to tears, especially the ending. Thank you so much! May God continue to bless you as you are a blessing to others.

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  10. This was exactly what I needed to read. The guy that I was ‘dating’ for over a year and that was officially my boyfriend for 8 months just broke up with me on Sunday night. He and I were best friends before any of our romantic feeling, so even throughout the relationship, we would always be so open with each other about our personal journies with Christ. We connected on a very deep level and had a relationship that our youth pastor and many others approved of. I didn’t expect to hear “I’ve been praying about this and I honestly believe that we should just go back to being really close friends.”
    When the emotion hit me while sitting in my room about 15 minutes later, I started to cry. The next night, I thought I was done with the tears. Nope. After a short time of crying, I sat up in my bed and just started to call out to God. Not just about the pain of the breakup, but everything that I had gone so long without having a deep conversation with Him about. I talked more to God that night than I had in months. I have found peace. A few tears still fall when I remember the little things and realize that I’m missing them, but that’s to be expected.
    Thank you so much for this amazing article. It really helped me think about my current situation in a beneficial way.

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  11. thank you so much for this post this makes me realized a lot of things, im exactly on this situation, where I feel that I lose my dignity once more, because of this guy who anchored my emotions, to the fact that i considered my self a stalker and found myself nothing. I feel like I dissapointed my King so much.Im not the princess He wants me to be. I knew he has his own plans for me but I always trusted my own will, always ended up texting and calling this guy. I just dont know where to start.I ignored His conviction to end this relationship from the beginning but Im a hard headed daughter who choose pleasures who choose emotions rather than Him. right now I feel God’s silence, I want to end the arguments that brings by the enemy in my mind. I want to anchor my hope on Him. that this situation will turn in a good testimony someday. pls. help. pls pray for me. thank you and God bless.

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  12. Thankyou for this post, I needed to hear that so much!! I cried and prayed through this post that God would bring healing to my heart, and now I trust that He will!

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  13. I know there are so many comments saying that this is what each person needed, but I feel the exact same way. I have been in such a funk the last few weeks, and today and yesterday have just been awful. So much crying and not understanding. But a friend shared your “Godly Men” post and then I got to this one and I just feel so much better already. I’ve been sitting here sobbing reading this because I know it’s all so true, I just needed reminding. So thank you.

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  14. I refer girls to your posts frequently and I think this is great with one exception. There seems to be the assumption that the guy should NOT have broken up with the girl. As a mom of 3 teen sons (16, 18, 19) and 1 teen daughter (17), I can tell you there are certainly times when the guy SHOULD break up with the girl. Both people in a dating relationship should be willing to own their “stuff” and evaluate whether or not they were seeking to please God or themselves. If a young man breaks up with a girl because she is dragging him down spiritually, that’s a legitimate reason. Keep up the wonderful encouragement, Lauren!

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  15. I am amazed by your posts Lauren! May God continue speaking to His children through you. I am personally uplifted by this and I feel I am ready to move on..I am strong to do so.

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  16. Hey! Even though I’m kinda over my break up now! It still felt great reading this! And it definitely reinforced my hope and confidence in God!

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  17. This is amazing. even if i’m going thru this life trying to get over someone so not worth my time, this reminds me of how faithful our God is.. I’m soo thankful to Him for leading and inspiring you to write this.. it definitely put my chin way up. Thank you.

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  18. I read this Saturday night when you posted it on Instagram. Saturday night, my boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. I had known for months that things weren’t right. He never wanted to see me. He always put his friends first. He didn’t hold my hand, tell me sweet things, or put in the effort he us to. Things had changed. I tried to deny it, and tried even harder to make things work. I was putting 200% effort into our relationship. He was putting 25% in. I loved him…truly, deeply cared about him. I watched him change over the years, and wanted so badly for things to work out. Now I see that it was not meant to work out. God has a different plan. I am still hurting, but I am trusting in Him. He has a plan for my life, and that plan is far greater than any plan I have for myself. I know God has an amazing, Christian man out there for me…a man who will put 100% effort into our relationship, just like me. This post brought me to my knees Saturday night and brought many tears to my eyes…tears of sadness, but also tears of happiness. I have hope and joy. There is a man out there who is going to love me, all of me. A man who is going to love me and adore me. This is something I have longed for for a long time, even while I was in a relationship. So thank you…thank you for all of your amazing, inspiring posts. Thank you especially for this particular post. You are doing amazing work for the Lord and impacting many lives, mine being one of them.

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  19. It’s as though God told you to write this specifically for me, I mean wow! My fiance called off our wedding a few weeks ago on my birthday and I have felt just devastated since. This post has definitely been an answer to my prayers and I feel so thankful and blessed to have read this. There was truly some healing happening while reading this and feel like I can really begin to move on and forward from this and on to God’s best for my life. I will definitely print out that letter at the end because it really is such an encouragement and reminds me that God loves me so much even during this tough time. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and know that God is using you to speak to His children through your inspiring and encouraging words.

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  20. My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. I knew he just wasn’t the man God wanted for me, and he was not the leader I needed. There is ALWAYS something better in store for us girls. Thank you for this. 🙂

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  21. Thanks Lauren. My boyfriend just broke up with me a few days ago. We’d been dating for a year now. There were a lot of things wrong with our relationship, but I always denied it and believed that we could get through the differences. I made a lot of mistakes. Like a lot. And I did all the things I said I would never do. But thank you for these awesome reminders. It’s really hard to understand right now, but thank you.

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  22. I read this for the first time 2 years ago and didn’t understand it because I’d never experienced it myself. Today it’s different. Exactly 2 weeks ago I ended a relationship that took me to such a dark place. I poured so much into it, held him when his world was falling apart but I faded into the background when the pieces came together. Feeling alone when your with someone is probably the worst feeling but now waking up every morning to a new day no longer scares me because instead of holding more hurt and disappointment, it holds a promise of laughter and healing.

    Thank you for putting into words that so many of us feel 🙂

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