I'm single and I'm giving up.

God has given us a desire for each other and a desire to be married. God has placed those desires in everyone so that a man will GO out and pursue a woman, and make her his wife, and a girl will be happily pursued. It is completely normal to want to be married. Marriage is a system that God set up and ordained.

Marriage is a beautiful picture of the gospel. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. Wives are commanded to submit themselves to their husbands as the church submits itself to the Lord. As the woman submits to her husband and her husband submits to the Word and to the Lord, the gospel is shown to all who look on their marriage.. and God is glorified.

So, what about the rest of us? I don’t want to miss the chance to live out the gospel for the world. I want a life that proclaims the glory of God. What about me? What about now?

In 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Paul speaks about marriage and singleness, and what he says may surprise you. He doesn’t say, “get married,” and he doesn’t say, “stay single.” He says, “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.” (vs 27) Um, well what does that mean? It means, “Hey, both are good….chill out!”

Singleness is not a curse- it is grace. It’s not about being married or single. It’s about trusting God in whatever state you are. If you are married, be content. If you are single, be content. And if you seek fulfillment in Christ, you will find it.

Paul goes on to say,

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. (vs 32-34)

Singleness is an incredible and exceptional privilege. The gospel says you do not NEED anyone but God to complete you, and while marriage is a picture of Jesus Christ and His bride, singleness also portrays the gospel powerfully in that the Christian’s ultimate identity is in Christ alone.

Think of all the things that you can do focusing all your energy on Christ right now instead of caring for an entire family. Oh, Christian, there are spiritual battles to engage in right now. There are such important fights to be fought for the glory of God, and right now, you are free to focus on these battles. Right now, you have a job to do– a job that could not be done if you were married– a job that will bring God the MOST glory if you do it now, while you are single.

The sole purpose for our lives is not marriage, it is the glory of God.

Figure out what you are supposed to be doing, and get busy doing it! Get busy working toward things that really matter. Seek the kingdom FIRST, because even marriage is a temporary state that will eventually give way to the beautiful reality of what the picture points to- our relationship with Jesus Christ. He is it. He is enough. No one will truly complete you except Him.

I’d love to tell you that I am a spiritual giant who never struggles with loneliness or never looks up and says, “God, whatcha doin’?” Because, unfortunately, it’s not true. This was not my plan. This was never my plan, but let me tell you, God rarely does it the way WE think He should. Are we willing to trade our timeline for the schedule of the Author of time? Are we willing to give up our tiny plans for the very dreams of God? Are we willing to give our lives, our entire lives here on earth, for HIS glory?

Do you think it was David’s plan to fight Goliath or become King of Israel? Do you think it was Daniel’s plan to be thrown into a den of lions? Do you think it was Moses’s plan to wander in the wilderness with God’s people for most of his life?

What about Mary? I mean, if Mary was willing to give up her dreams of a perfect wedding and have a baby out of wedlock who would eventually save the world, I think I can give up my plan, my timeline, the way I thought that it should go, and surrender it to God. I think I can let go of what I think is best to really have the perfect way of God. I can really be content with what He sends my way because I don’t want to miss out on proclaiming His glory the exact way He planned me to do it. I can be content with the opportunities that He sends my way to live the gospel out in front of the world, and I can trust the heart and wisdom of my God to direct my life and work everything for my good and His glory.

Don’t stop believing. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop looking. Do stop stressing. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are running out of time. Because when the Author of time deems it right for you to fall in love and be married, then you will, and it will be magnificent.

I’m single and I’m giving up– giving it all up to God. Won’t you do the same?

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. Psalm 18:30-32

 

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24 comments

  1. Thanks — I’ve been questioning this myself… I’m 34, single and it seems like everyone I date turns out to be the wrong one. I’m tired of finding guys who don’t have their act together. I wonder what God is doing sometimes. I feel like I’m being left behind. It’s hard to know — but you are right, Paul did say that it was good to be single or to be married… be he really wished that we all could have a single heart toward serving God. I pray that God will still continue to use me, and I will meditate more vertically then horizontally.

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  2. Words can not express how much your blog has helped me with this wait of singleness. It is good to find a girl that is completely sold out to God, yet doesn’t live that “frumpy” lifestyle we are all afraid of. Thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over!

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  3. WOW! I cried again reading this. Im only 21 years old and am in no way “desperate” for a guy, but like any young lady I would love to find Gods Mr.Right for my life. But After reading alot of your blogs, I find myself more happy and content than ever in my singlensss. Thank you for being so brutally honest in such a fun,loving way!

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  4. GIRL!!! I love this blog, almost everything I’ve read on here has challenged me, pushed me to question my own understanding of who Christ is in my life! Just a word of encouragement because your faith and words of wisdom are truly inspiring! I share them with my bible study group all the time xxx

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  5. this is such a blessing! God knows deep within my heart I am only complete in Him, and I have been trying to deal with the anticipation, the longing to finally be with the man God has ordained for me to support. As we walk together here on earth, fulfilling our purposes till we meet our Maker.

    I always learn so much from your posts and this has not been an exception, in fact it happens to be something I’ve recently been crying out to God about because I feel I’m ready but His ways are not our ways.

    I desire for Him to fulfil all our heart’s desires in His perfect will, despite the wait He knows what’s best for us and though we can’t see it, He’s preparing us and working through us even in singleness.

    Bless you Lauren, keep writing and following the leading of The Holy spirit x

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  6. So inspiring and totally standing with you. Thank you for reminding me of the glorious life God has blessed me with… Right now. xx

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  7. Great post. I devoted an entire series on my site to life as a single person, called the Single Reality. God has great plans for all our lives and enjoying every moment should be something we do, for otherwise there is always the statement, “I will be happy when….” Bless you.

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  8. What an incredible message and reminder to us all! It’s such a struggle when we stress about what we want vs. what God wants. I want to be married, but does the Lord call me to being single?? I don’t know, but that’s okay. I know I am single in this season, and that’s all that’s for sure. I want to use this time in my life, a gift, to glorify God. Whatever he has for my future, will come as it does!!!

    Check out my blog?? shebelongstojesus.blogspot.com

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  9. You are so wise, Lauren. It’s so true what you are saying about having more time to serve the Lord when you are single. I am 25, married with a 2 year old and a 9 month old, and I teach. There is absolutely no such thing as “extra” time in our house. I love every hectic, crazy, messy moment of it but there are times I wish I had the extra time and energy to serve the Lord more. I was so much more active in our church before I got married and there were so many more oppurtunities to minister to others. I know now that my family is my first ministry, but I do miss church choir, being involved in the youth ministry, attending evening services, etc. Use your time wisely ladies because when God does bring the right one along and soon after that come the little ones, you’ll miss all the oppurtunities you had to serve him when you were single!

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  10. Wow! This post has hit me like a ton of bricks. I just got out of a relationship with a guy that I had no right getting involved with in the first place. Solely because he was not a Christian and did not believe in God. I tend to have the mind set that I won’t be happy unless I am in a relationship. The “Don’t stop believing” paragraph brought me to tears. This post definitely moved me in positive ways. Thanks for sharing & thanks to a great friend for sharing the link with me!

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  11. You have the best articles I have ever read, portraying the true definition of singleness. I have been single for a long time and this puts it in perspective. Thank you so much for sharing your God-fearing wisdom with all of us. May God bless you richly in your singlehood and help you advance the kingdom!! 🙂

    -Mare

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  12. This is really great. God has really been speaking words to my heart on this particular subject, and once I read this, it was very encouraging. I’ve realized that it’s time that’s I need to fall in love with God first before I even think about loving someone else. Thanks!! Praying for you as you inspire others like you have done to me!

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  13. I love this post. In NY I lead a ministry for Christian single women (Daughters of the Lion of Judah) that the Lord led me to start. This is what the main part of the group is about and why we do not talk about seeking husbands. The group is for single-single, single mothers, divorced and widowed. This group is about you today in this phase of your life to come to a deeper relationship with the Lord as your True Beloved, to step up and step out in the destiny that God has written over your life in your book in heaven before the earth was even formed. I for one God has called me to remain single though He calls the majority of people to be married Remember Paul clearly stated in the passage that what he was writing was not from the Lord but, his own personal opinion. But it does not negate that right now in your singleness God has divine assignments that can only be done by you in this now time.

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  14. Thank you for this, so encouraging! I am only 23 but I have been in and out of relationships all my life. I have reached a point now where I want God to be my true love, I want God to be enough for me. This has encouraged me to be content and to trust in the lover of my soul. Xx

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