Relationship status: [STILL] Single.

This has been a question that has been asked to me very often especially lately so I thought I would wear my heart on my sleeve here and address it so that everyone will know…. and maybe be reminded,  learn, or be encouraged.

Q: How do you handle being single so well?

There is no magical formula for making it easy “to be single,” and anyone who says that it is easy, is lying to you. God wants us to be content with all that He has given us, yes, however, God does not require us to achieve some super spiritual state of mind that is “content” with being single in order for Him to give us a significant other. For some people, that may very well happen, but for the vast majority, it is just not going to. If we are seeking Him, God has given us a desire for each other and a desire to be married. God has placed those desires in everyone so that a man will GO out and pursue a woman, and make her his wife, and a girl will be happily pursued. It is completely normal to want to be married. Marriage is a system that God set up and ordained. God wants us to be married, and raise good families for His glory.

For His glory.

Yup. I think that’s the key, people. You see, I have come to the realization that if I could serve God better and bring Him more glory married, then, I would be married right now at this very moment. So even though sometimes I don’t like to admit it, God knows better than I do. I could try to convince Him otherwise all I want, but He knows the perfect timing for everything in our lives. If we are living to serve Him, then He will take care of it! Right now, you have a job to do. A job that could not be done if you were married. A job that will bring God the MOST glory if you do it now, while you are single.

Figure out what you are supposed to be doing, and get busy doing it!

Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Matthew 6:25-33

Get busy working toward things that really matter. Seek the kingdom FIRST, because even marriage is a temporary state that will eventually give way to the beautiful reality of what the picture points to- our relationship with Jesus Christ. {Click here to read more} He is enough, anyways. No one will truly complete you except Him.

“Jesus Christ – not guys [or girls]– must always remain the center of our existence. When we have a Christ-consumed heart, guys[or girls] no longer dominate our thinking, our actions, and our decisions. Rather, the Lover of our soul captivates us so completely that every guy we meet clearly sees that Jesus is, and always will be, the number one Prince of our heart. A truly godly man longs for a woman with a Christ-consumed heart.” -Leslie Ludy

I’d love to tell you that I am a spiritual giant who never struggles with loneliness or never looks up and says, “God, whatcha doin’??” Because, unfortunately, it’s not true, but the answer is simple.

Not easy, but simple.

Trust God.

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Do you believe that? Then tell yourself this everyday. We may know what looks “good” for us, but God knows what is BEST. The reason we are not supposed to lean on our own understanding is that we don’t really know what we are doing. However, HIS way is perfect.

As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect. Psalm 18:30-32

He will fulfill the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them. Psalm 145:19

Delight yourself also in the LORD; and he shall give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

No one is bigger or better than God. Period. Claim His promises. Find them! There are SO many! Our times are in His hands. He knows the beginning from the end. We know his timing is perfect.

He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

Don’t stop believing. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop looking. Do stop stressing. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are running out of time. Because when God, who is the very Author of time, deems it right for you to fall in love and be married, then you will, and it will be magnificent.

Lastly, don’t settle. I will be single forever before I settle for someone who will not raise my family in all the standards of my God. Go to the Bible and find out all the qualities a man and woman of God is supposed to have. Be those things, and then, look for those things in others. Pray for God to direct your steps in everything, and He will fulfill the desires He has placed in you. If you long for a spouse with a Christ-centered heart, that desire is straight from God, and He has promised to fulfill it.

I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. Ecclesiastes 3:14

Stop worrying so much. Take heart, God knows what He is doing. He has a plan, and now is a part of that plan too. Don’t waste your time wishing things were different. Don’t settle for less than God’s best. Trust His timing. He is so so much bigger than you and your dreams, and His words are true. Don’t stop believing them. It will be worth it.

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26 comments

  1. I’m sitting in my kitchen currently looking at my refrigerator. On it are three “Save the Dates”. Every groom-to-be is younger than me. I kinda feel the pressure/society timeline/age all laughing at me saying “what are you waiting for????” but then I look above my refrigerator and see my ceiling and then I imagine looking through the ceiling into the sky, then past the sky and into Heaven where God is looking at me and saying “I have a plan for you, it’s gonna be wild, it’s gonna be great, it’s gonna be full of me!”

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  2. “You see, I have come to the realization that if I could serve God better and bring Him more glory married, then, I would be married right now at this very moment.”

    Right there…that’s it!! Thank you for “wearing your heart on your sleeve” and so eloquently writing what needs to be said.

    You could not have written/posted this at a better time. Thank you.

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  3. Thank you for writing this. Everytime I get a wedding invitation (anymore from people younger than me!) and everytime one of my friends sends me a picture of their beautiful babies I am filled with such conflicting emotions. I’m so happy for them and I love them so much, but there’s always that sting of lonliness that follows when the devil tells me I’ll never be good enough for that life…that I’ll be alone forever. However, your post was a real pick me up and I may need to come back and re-read it a lot but it has reinforced what I have been trying to convince myself of for some time now. Thank you!

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  4. what a refreshing reminder! Having turned 29 yesterday, I can’t help but wonder what God has for me…of course I desire to be married and have children, but like you said: “I will be single forever before I settle for someone…” other than whom God intends for me. I’m content and beyond blessed with what God has given me. It’s not easy waiting for God’s perfect timing, but I know it will be worth it. I may need a miracle! but luckily for me, I am best friends with the God of miracles! LOL

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    • God has not forgotten about us. :] He makes every thing beautiful in His time… Let’s not give up. These days, I’m trying to enjoy where I am with my family and my friends…. it won’t be like this for long. ;]

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  5. Hey I really would like to thank you for this post. May God be praised. I am going through the same thing as you girls. I am still single and to be honest I have been looking for a woman (not even a godly one) myself. I have lowered my value as a man for a short amount of time and I was that close to get myself into fornication when I could hear God’s voice shouting at me a big no. Thank God I listened to Him on that day. Worries of ending up alone got me there. Satan knows how to use people ’round you to make you do stupid things. It is only recently that after talking to my mom who’s a great godly woman, that I have become patient and waiting for God’s best while moving myself, following his direction (as you said, I ought to pursue, not to wait (cf Want to meet a beautiful godly girl? Good. Go find one.) In the meantime, I am getting closer to God, learning to always look upon Him and Him only,not my abilities. Not always easy, especially when you are having your old friends having their children, getting married, young folks around you getting engaged…. Satan wedging into your mind and saying: “what about you? Do you really think you can wait? You are growing older and you are still alone. Almost 30”. I am not the only one. But through God, we are going to get what God has granted us through His sacrifice. The problem is: we are only going to get ’em in the appointed time. We could ask God: when? It is a question He is not going to answer and it is more likely to sadden Him. He wants our unconditional trust and love, not matter the situation. Only a true Christian can provide that. God bless you my sister.

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    • my youth pastor once said to me,
      to focus on loving God, and stop worrying and fretting on “when?”, because one day you and the one god chose for you will walk in a room, and you will just KNOW. 🙂

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  6. Great posts. Honestly, as I have been reading your posts (i just found your blog and have read four of your posts at once) I felt like I was getting reprimanded!!! 🙂 I am a guy and I found your posts very challenging. You dont mince your words for anyone and i like that. My question to you is, there is a girl I like but she has a car, she has a house, she has a ministry, she is financially secure and so on and so on and I am just starting a company with no car yet and not yet financially secure. But even crazier is every person I have spoken to (mentor and best friends) have said I must not pursue because she is out of my league! Basically I have been told by people she is too good for me and I dont stand a chance. What do I do?

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    • Hmm well I would say to first pray about it. Then, if you think God is leading you to pursue [notice I said “think” and not “feel”] then go ahead. What’s the worst that can happen? She will say no. Big deal. You don’t have her to begin with so you really have nothing to lose… And you will never know if you don’t try. However, generally successful and ambitious women, or men for that matter, will want to find that in a partner. Why don’t you work on yourself and getting to a place where she would feel secure and not like the provider. Then, think about a relationship. Thanks for reading. :]

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  7. Hi.
    Thanks for that. I definitely would not want her to be the provider. That is my job. I find it interesting you made a distinction between feel and think. Why and what do you mean by think and not feel?
    Rolain

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  8. Thanks for this article. Im 21 & ive never been in a relationship. It really didnt matter to me until I started college though. On my 19th birthday a guy i really liked rejected me & it left a imprint on my mind & heart that I was never going to get a guy & that I wasnt good enough for anyone. For the past 2 years I have felt that way. Since January 1st I have been thinking differently & praying to God that I can have more trust & faith in him. My youth leader says that it’s all in God’s timing, but what if God’s timing seems like its never going to come. How do I deal with that?

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  9. I love this! I’m the same age and ppl ask me why I’m single. I tell them until God sends me the one intended for me, I’m not going to waste my time looking and dating any guy who asks. I’m on God’s time and he will bring the right man at the right time. I just have to continue seeking God and doing my part until then:)

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  10. thank you thank you at least I’m not alone in this. Through posts like this I m getting guided and directed in the ways of the lord. thanks again.

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  11. Could you post something on standing uo for God and nit being of the world, I do that and even at a Christian school, I am different. I have a sensitive spirit, and I am only a freshman in high school and my perspective is one that is like a senior or college student. I had to grow up to fast and I struggle everyday with my own personal wars. I am much farther than I was before though. I sacrificed everything for God, and I got cast away by some. I feel alone, a lot. I know I’m not, but others my age just don’t understand what I do. I came from a public school and I’m possibly suffering from ptsd, and I still keep fighting hard. And I’m all in for God. I feel so awkward and different. I stand out more at my new school than my old public school! Its honestly sad. I don’t know, its just something I can’t wrap my head around. Thank you for your posts btw, I love them

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  12. Thank you sooooooo much for this post…
    I met a new guy who is so dreamy, but not godly and I asked God for help. So this whole weekend I have been stumbling upon messages over & over again which are telling me to LET GO AND LET GOD…
    HIS message couldn’t have been any clearer.
    Thank you for sharing
    xXx
    An LDS
    South Africa
    Cape Town (Yup, that far!)

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  13. I’m sitting in class reading this blog and boy am I trying to hold it all in. This couldn’t have came at a perfect timing. I’ve been limiting God and not fully trusting in him fully and it has affected my relationship with him. I’ve been praying for a godly mate and lately he’s showing me through scripture, sunday school teachers and of course this blog that the biggest thing i’m not doing is trusting in his timing.

    I’ve been talking to someone for the past six months and thinking when he was going to finally make it official. I can see it’s not in his timing spiritually I’m not ready nor mentally to commit. My first commitment is towards the Lord and using my singleness to serve him to the fullest.

    Thank you soooo much for sharing this!! I would like to share this on my social media page as well as our Sunday School FB page. They’d love it!!

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  14. I thank you so much for writing this article! It is so comforting to know that while being single, we have a unique and beautiful job to do!!! God is good in the waiting. Much appreciation and love…

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  15. what an encouragement..thanks so much for sharing…I’d never thought about how I would be in a relationship right now if God thought I would glorify Him more..

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  16. It is so awesome to go back and read these posts and see what God has done in your life. 🙂 Congratulations on your engagement! I definitely look up to you and love that I can read posts like these in times when I am feeling down. Good stuff. 🙂

    Like

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