Don't hate the player.

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12

“Don’t hate the player; hate the game.”

….But seriously, stay away from the player.

So many people play a game with hearts that was never meant to be played. And not only are these people guilty, but in the long run, we also are guilty for letting them drag us along.

These “players” come in so many disguises. Some are very sincere, charming, and even spiritual, and some are open about it- nonchalant in the fact that they treat girls badly. So often, we as girls have a kind of gut sense about these types of guys which we ignore because we want the attention, or we think that we can change them, but let me tell you right now, none of these guys are going to truly commit to you.

Girls, we need to smarten up. If he is a guy who flirts with every girl before us, he is going to be a guy that flirts with every other girl when he is WITH us. They know the exact right things to say to make a girl feel so special when, in reality, nothing they have to offer is special because they are giving it away to every girl.

Before you start texting a guy, talking on the phone or skyping with someone all the time, and giving your heart and emotions away to him, you need to be guarded until you get a sense of what this guy is like. Sometimes it is tricky because these guys are good at what they do, but girls, what you have to offer is so precious, that he should have to work for it. It was never meant to be just given away to anyone who asks. We need to save our emotions and our hearts for a guy who really deserves it.

Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another. Romans 12:10

I’m tired of hearing girls complain about getting their hearts broken by guys who didn’t deserve pieces of their hearts in the first place- guys who didn’t prove themselves worthy before they started an emotional relationship with them. We can avoid so much heartache by simply being smart about the guys who we let get close to us.

Ok, so what are some of the “red flags”? What are some of the things that say, “girl, you better run while you can”?

First, if he starts things too fast. Anyone smart knows that if you want something to last you need to take it slow. If he asks you for your number and is calling you “baby” by the fifth text, then run. Don’t let your emotional needs get in the way of your brain.

Secondly, if he is constantly texting these “mystery people.” If he is always holding his phone in a way you can’t see what he is doing…If you ask him to see his phone and deletes messages before he hands it to you….. seriously, he’s not worth your time. Enough said.

Third, If he only wants to talk on his terms. I’m all for letting him do the chasing. I’m the girl, if you want to talk, you text me or you call me… I’m NOT going to; and if you are a smart girl, that is what you will do if you like a guy. However, there comes a point in a relationship when the girl should be able to text the guy whenever she wants for whatever reason, and he should, if at all possible be willing to talk when she needs [within reason, girls]. If he only texts you back when he feels like it, he is not that into you.

Fourth, if he wants to keep you on the hush. If a guy only talks to you on Facebook, or texts you, but doesn’t talk to you in real life…. he doesn’t want to date you.

Fifth, If he refuses to DTR. Define The Relationship. Girls, if you have been “talking” to this guy for a reasonable amount of time, and he still has yet to bring up the fact that he wants to date you… Guess what? HE DOESN’T. Listen up, if you have to ask, or wonder, or be stressed out about the question of this guy committing to you, (after a reasonable amount of time spent) then get out! If you really want something out of this, then number one, you need to ask. It’s a shame that you would have to do this, but if he isn’t man enough to say if this thing is going anywhere.. then ask. Tell him that if he doesn’t commit then you are moving on because that is what you deserve. Number two, If he says “no” or beats around the bush or is unsure, then seriously, walk away. If the guy wakes up the next day and realizes he has made a horrible mistake in letting you go, well then, he is gonna commit this time. But if he doesn’t, then, keep walking. It is sad, but, reality is, you weren’t all that special to him in the first place and you deserve better. Girls, if  a man really wants to be with you, then he will commit, and nothing can make him leave. If he doesn’t, then nothing can make him stay. You are better off single and waiting for a real relationship with someone who truly cares about you. He is just keeping his options open- one foot out the door. You do not deserve to be an option.

If a guy can’t be up front about what he wants out of a relationship, then, chances are, he doesn’t want a relationship.

I’m not talking “it’s not official till it’s on Facebook,” but, there is a point where if a guy truly wants to commit to you and being exclusive with you, then he is going to let YOU know and he is going to let other people know. It is just natural. He is going to be proud of the fact that you are his girl, and you are not going to have to wonder or stress about it. If you are seriously ready for a grown up relationship then you have to stop giving in to these players who are just looking for another pretty face to add to their little collection of girls.

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. Colossians 3:12-14

If a man is not committed to being everything he is called to be in Christ, he is not the guy for you; and if he is, then he will not treat you poorly.

Girls, that is not what your Father has intended for you. God has picked out a man for you that will treat you right- with the love and respect that you deserve. You will be special to him because you are special to God. Don’t be afraid to let go of this one guy, and WAIT for the man that your Father has for you. You are so special to God, and he wants you to be treated in the very best way. Wait for it. He’s coming.

This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. John 15:12

Guys, if you are one of these players, shame on you. God is not happy about the way you have been treating his daughters. If a girl’s earthly father is slightly intimidating, then you can just imagine how scary her heavenly father, who sees everything, can be. Don’t use the excuse that you are not in a relationship so you can lead on any girl that you want.. or you are “called to singleness” so you can just have everyone’s attention. You will never be everything that God has called you to be or meant for you to be, if you continue to treat his daughters with disrespect. I’m sure you are nice and charming in the literal way you treat girls, all the best players are, but you’re a thief. You trick and play and steal hearts instead of earning them with things that matter- love, trust, honor, faithfulness, and respect. Instead of focusing on having a collection or having everyone’s attention, find ONE girl with a heart worth winning, or just remember things that are taken by thieves are easily stolen away.

There is no excuse for ANY man that claims the name of Christ to treat a woman in a dishonorable, disrespectful way.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galations 6:7

A good man would not promote someone in his company that treated his own daughter poorly. The same goes with God. He is not going to bless you or what your hands do “for Him”, if things don’t change with regards to his daughters.  I don’t mean to be cliche, but how would Jesus treat the women around him if he were to date? If you are not going to commit to her, let her know and let her go. If you want to be with her, then man up, and make a commitment or you WILL lose her. Good, smart girls know how they deserve to be treated, and you are going to end up all alone. You can not serve yourself and God. If you are one of God’s sons, there will be punishment. He is going to punish you because He takes this seriously. Save YOUR heart and time and emotions, treat people right, and if you do, then you will receive the best for you that God has to offer. Good things come to those who wait.

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.       Galations 6:9

A girl’s heart is precious, and her Father knows it. Quit playing around.


  1. Wow!!! Great article!!! I too am a writer, Christian young woman, and seemingly easy target for guys who like to toy with our hearts. Although I have learned my lesson, and fight the battle every day, my biggest struggle has been that a lot of the guys who hurt me, were originally just my friends. Before high school, everything was NON-complecated! After/during high school, it was like I could not talk to, or hang out with, them the way I used to. 😦 They started making bad choices, and using girls. I felt like, as a friend, I owed it to them to say something…. but what? How do you explain to a guy what his actions are doing to young women’s hearts, and HIS!? I know I am supposed to forgive them, and continue to love them as brothers in Christ, but there is still resentment in my heart toward their actions, because I have to continually witness other girls being hurt, in the same way I was. For awhile, I couldn’t even make eye contact with them, because I was so hurt/disgusted at who they had chosen to become. 😦 They used to be such sweet boys, and good friends, and now we’re like strangers… Is it even my place to say something?


    • Its always right to speak the truth in love, but just remember to keep in mind WHAT is right and not WHO is right. Everything should be said for the purpose of restoring relationships and most importantly relationships with God- not for laying blame or tearing people apart.


      • This is so true. There are too many of “us”(girls) that think they understand the relationship(both the guy side and the girl side) and that gives us a right to determine the character of each person in the relationship. Don’t be a player, but also don’t be a judge just because you HEARD that someone MIGHT be a player. Unless you know personally (very well) don’t spread false info unless you can go to those people and ask them straight to their face. Thanks for the posts! Encouraging!




  3. wow this has been me your talking about Ive not too long had the exact thing happen to me which left me alone broken and feeling of rejection, not to mention the guilt and the condemnation i felt, but praise God, for another chance he has given me, I am moving on and beyond what has happened my last relationship was the worst experience ever and i know through it all i have a testimony exactly like this to share with many girl, even thou im a 35 year old women who saved herself for her husband, until she met the player who ended up to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, i just lost focus and settled for almost nothing, but God had favour on my life and gave me a way out, i was left with so much shame and anger and couldn’t forgive myself but God’s grace and HIS ultimate unwavering unmeasurable love for saved me from a disastrous life i almost settled for, the above with my testimony will definitely help with my ministry!!!

    God Bless you

    Jules (what everybody calls me)


  4. I should have read this before I fell for a jerk. But now that I did, I know what to do and what NOT to do next. Thank you so much! God bless you more!


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